8 Responses to “Who is the Real You?”

1. mehmet_y says:

   11 May , 2009 at 07:55

   Richard, this is a fantastic topic.

   In my view there is NO real YOU, ME or US; it is so dynamic… We have myriad of personalities and none of them can describe us truly. Each personality type pulls some strings! Perceptions cannot define realities beside each of us have our own unique realities.

   The system is so complex and multidimensional that there is not one view. Scientist in biology and chemistry have views that chemicals in the brain play an important role. Psychologist have a different view. We have IQ, EQ, SQ theories some even conflict. Cognitive scientists (which I studied at Uni) have totally different perspective. Needless to mention philosophers and religious perspectives.

   To conclude, our collective body of knowledge is inadequate to make a conclusive statement on this. It is fun to speculate though; especially after a weekend course in personal development subjects and write an authoritative book on it

   Regards,
   Mehmet

2. richardderwentcooke says:

   11 May , 2009 at 07:56

   WOW!!! You’re right Mehmet…. thank you for a very considered post…. and yet….we still make judgements and have to get on with each other and learn to ue people’ trenghts in a team situation. So some kind of approach is helpful

3. michael_h says:

   11 May , 2009 at 07:57

   I had a spell of project management: And I found the answer was whatever was needed to get the job done I had to see that it was provided.

   I had studied Team dynamics and leadership and I understood these therotical “Belbin” role types, Implementers, Finishers, Plants, Resource/investigator,etc
   and those coloured personality system dynamics types.

   Now from time to time when somone asks me to fill in these Belbin forms for analysis I find that having had the experience of co-ordinating a team and providing the support where it was needed that I do not have any permanently fixed preferences for any of these roles types.

   Having had an unfinished profile here for about a year I just completed this “High colour type” survey. I have to say that I was not convinced that the methodology of assigning character traits and defining ones personality type by being forced to chose A or B questions.

   I don’t think the assigned character type would be any less valid if you were just asked to pick the letter A or the letter B five times.

   So if you have to classify me just put me down as a barely literate grumpy old curmudgeon if it makes you feel better. I’m a High Mauve, but I put that down to blood pressure rather than a character trait.

   Michael Heaney

4. richardderwentcooke says:

   11 May , 2009 at 07:58

   I think one sign of maturity and eveloping good skills is theablitiy ot be adaptive and play different roles in different contexts, so I find the same thing Michael.

   To a Mauve from a Puce… many thanks Michael

5. Zara_L says:

   11 May , 2009 at 19:51

   Good question, I’d say that on-line with mutually friendly contacts I am mostly like I am with family members I get on with, i.e relaxed, happy ‘chilled’ and chatty with occasional sulks and outbursts that are forgot quickly – rather than having to put on the ‘fake nice’ with people I know say nasty things about me out of my earshot/my radar.

   I find it harder to know who to be with off-line strangers, as being fake nice with people is kind of impolite so I’m deadly quite until they start talking and asking my opinion on things – but basically I would sit there and not say a word all night if people didn’t speak to me first, as I judge people initially on how they deal with my shyness, if they can’t bring me out of my shell, then we probably aren’t mentally compatible.

   However with people that are openly friendly straight away and it looks genuine to me, I’ll chat away to them as if I’ve known them years, I’ve not met too many openly friendly people though, most sit about saying nasty things about people looks – i.e body size shape of eyes, ears, noses etc. or “isn’t so and so really ugly…” I am sick of those kinds of petty conversations. It’s just less hassle being myself on-line there are more people to chat with here without having to pretend to agree with some one’s view point to keep the peace.

6. richardderwentcooke says:

   11 May , 2009 at 19:52

   Zara thanks for a very honest contribution

7. Tom_L says:

   11 May , 2009 at 19:54

   Do you know “Games People Play” by Eric Berne? In social situations we interact socially, and there are rules. And roles. I remember arguing with an ethics teacher about this at school (when I was young) because I didn’t believe it at the time.I guess I resented her presentation that somehow we have no control of these roles, that there is no choice. The fact is, when Whoopie is at a party there are a wide range of roles she can choose from — probably the one she feels most comfortable with in that place and with those folks. She could also go home and soak in a bath by herself.

   Maybe the real me is when I’m alone. When I’m really alone that is — without the boss’s or wife’s or whoever’s voice engaging me in a fantasy social interaction where I can choose the role not only for myself but for the other.

   How often are you really alone? Does the real you engage yourself in conversation at such times? Or do you veg out with a beer or something, just being you?

   Tom Law

8. richardderwentcooke says:

   11 May , 2009 at 19:56

   Thank you Tom. Yes I have the book.

   I think the answer to your final question is both, depending on when and where I am. Increasingly I enjoy my own company and I think I do chat to myself, in fact at times I find it hard to tell whether I am verbalising my innner dialogues when I am with my wife and sometimes get in to trouble because I had the conversation with her in total silence!