There is no map

I don’t know if this is a common experience but for me, when relationships got serious I always wondered how you were meant to feel; what scale you were supposed to measure these feelings against; how you could know if they were real etc.  Now we are off the charts again.  Yesterday a concerned friend called and seemed a little worried by the level of ‘normality’ or rationality that he was hearing.   I could understand what he was thinking and appreciated his care.  However, this is a lonely journey and there is no path; I’m not even sure if there is a destination… maybe there is only the journey.

I’ve always been a ‘live in the moment’ kinda guy and in this now you feel what you feel or don’t feel and experience that and then move on.  It is rather like eating a meal, you take a mouthful, taste it, chew it and swallow, then next!  Also, I discovered when my dad died recently that, to my surprise, I didn’t really feel any differently about him, or have a different relationship with him, despite the fact that he was now no longer able to be an active part of it.  I’m not sure that as I sit here in a quite house on a frosty Sunday morning, with the cat curled up next to me that I feel particularly different.  I have no idea if this is a grace or a problem.  It just is.  Life goes on…

Tags: Carys

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 7th, 2010 at 09:28 and is filed under Personal Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.