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I’m different…

I was thinking this morning about my blog and some of the responses that I got to it, and I realised that there are some experiences that just change you in ways that alter your DNA.   People who have not shared those experiences can never understand those who have.  My father’s generation went to war; at 18 he was serving in the army, and fighting for his country.  He knew what it was to lose friends, to see homes go up in smoke, to have the very fabric of his world threatened by something alien.  Despite being brought up on countless war movies and comics depicting these themes, I have no idea what it was to live through that.  There are other similarly defining experiences and loss is a key one, whether it is loss of a loved one, loss of a limb or faculty, loss of wealth or health. 

We all take for granted those things that are ever present in our lives.  I can truly say that we knew my wife was a special presence in our lives, but like the oxygen you breath, you do expect it to be there.  I don’t think this is something that you ever get over; it is merely something that you get used to.  My children have said this.  They know that they have somehow been deprived of something that has defined them, and this event too will fundamentally alter their views and lives.  They will never again be able to believe that those you love can not suddenly vanish from your world.

One person shared with me that that they too had lost their mother at 25 and I knew that she knew what my children were feeling; another kind soul said that she had no such experience.  I’m glad of this but it is gap that cannot be spanned by empathy. 

We seem to believe that that talking makes everything better somehow, but I have to tell you that the experience thus far in this home is that it changes nothing and is pretty pointless.  In the end you are left with the same reality and simply have to adapt.

We all believe that we are different, and of course we are, but I am coming to believe that it is our experiences, and how we interpret them that define us…

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This entry was posted on Saturday, May 15th, 2010 at 08:04 and is filed under Personal Blog, Personal Change. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 Responses to “I’m different…”

  1. Tim Kidson says:
    16 May , 2010 at 07:55

    Good morning Richard,
    I am so very sorry that you and your family are in such pain. I had no idea what was happening in your life and I don’t have any experience of the trauma you describe.

    My thoughts are with you and your family,
    Kind regards,
    Tim Kidson

  2. richardderwentcooke says:
    16 May , 2010 at 07:56

    Tim,

    Thank you for your thoughts…

  3. Hugh Burgess says:
    16 May , 2010 at 08:32

    It is how we respond to our experiences that define us.

    We live in a vibrational world…not a thinking one. When we lose someone we love, that was all important in our lives, we feel lack, and it is almost impossible to fill that lack in the short term.

    The person that has gone is probably in a good place…but those left behind are lost and empty.

    I have often thought that the people who have experienced loss through a violent act… perpetuate the discomfort by not forgiving and receiving release.

    The final solution in a vibrational world is to seek to feel good, because Life responds in a vibrational way, to the good vibrations emmitted.

    To stay in loss and in lack, may perpetuate the numbness… and delay the time for enjoying Life again.

    My experience is that the person who has departed is now at peace, but those that remain must find a path to rejoice in that person’s Life and feel good about them.

  4. richardderwentcooke says:
    16 May , 2010 at 09:00

    Hugh, I agree with much of what you say. I obviously have no idea how the Universe has tested these ideas for you or if the have ever faced such a severe test. I will tell you that there is a big difference between being changed by this kind of thing and remaining in lack / loss. I do believe she is at peace. However, I/we are dealing with the consequences of that shift in the here and now. Thank you for your thoughts

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