WALK A MILE IN THEIR MOCCASSINS

Yesterday my eldest daughter had a rough day. On top of a little too much New Years Eve celebrations, she was suffering with stomach cramps. By late afternoon, we thought that she had got over the worst of it and we looked forward to a quieter day today. Late evening she started really suffering and was having stomach spasms. So what did my wife and second daughter do? Firstly they went and hung out with her in her bedroom. The younger one put on a DVD her sister likes to help distract her. They offered all the moral and practical support they could because the older one was just zoning out with the pain. Then later on I came in and my wife is just lying next to her in the bed, just being there with her, accepting this is all she can do.

So, why am I sharing this domestic drama with you.. .after all this a blog, not a soap opera? Well, this reminded me just how important empathy is and my wife is a master at this. The native Americans used to have an expression that you need to walk a mile in someone’s moccasins before you can understand (or judge) them. Another take on this is in Aikido, a key principle of which is to put yourself in your partner’s position, and this means to get physically along side them and see the world form their perspective. Having aligned yourself with them, you are now in position to lead or influence them. Those of you familiar with NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) will know that they use a similar technique called pacing and leading.

We all are confronted with people we need and want to influence, we often think we know best and if they would only see the world through our eyes everything would be alright. The above wisdom reminds us that the very opposite is true. So if you are facing a difficult situation today, try (metaphorically) lying down beside them and just being with them before you decide what the right course of action is. Please let me know how this works for you…. good luck!

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” Kahlil Gibran

“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”  Billy Connelly

 

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008 at 08:48 and is filed under General, Hints, Tips & Techniques. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.