Win arguments … by keeping schtum

I am often left flabbergasted when I watch some of the people you see on reality TV argue.  Think of Jerry Springer with two unsavoury types both talking at each other and it seems to be a trial of strength to see who can keep going longest and who is loudest.  Both talk simultaneously with no pretence at even listening to each other.  If you are like me, then it is easy to sit there in your middle class, self righteous sense of superiority and think “How shocking!  I’d never do that!”  The thing is if you were well brought up you have to at least pretend to listen to the other person, you keep a polite silence, and look at them.  However, what many of us do, (in fact I’d go further and say what most of us do!) is not to really listen to their point, but to await our turn to prove them wrong.  We may not do this out of any sense of maliciousness, but we all do love to be right!

However, if you want to win the argument, or better still, if you want to win respect; then you should really listen to them.  You should actually show you are listening by nodding at appropriate times, making ahha type noises, looking at them, in other words, actively listen.  When they are done, ask questions.  Then, summarise what they have said and make your point.  Either agree with them, or perhaps suggest that in order to meet the agreed goal, that there might be better strategies or additional steps required.  People are far more likely to give serious and honest consideration to you and what you say if you first do the same for them.  It is the Law of Reciprocity; society has brought us up to offer back what we are given.

So, if you want to win… keep schtum… at least initially.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 22nd, 2015 at 07:00 and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.