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WHAT IF… it never happens?

The other day I was lying awake in the wee, small hours in some strange hotel bedroom, my mind drifting like a bird in a late summer sky, suddenly aware of fretting about some obscure, future ‘what if’ problem, analysing what I could / would do when I realised that:-

  • I’d probably deal with it, if and when it occurred,
  • It would probably not matter a great deal whatever the outcome

So why was I wasting my time (time that should have been spent sleeping!) worrying away at it, like a dog with a bone? I realised that it was

  • An unknown ‘danger/risk’
  • A situation in which I had little power or control

My father always used to say that worry was the ‘interest’ you paid on a problem before it was due, and I seemed to be in the grips of a loan shark!

There was not only nothing I could do, but nothing that needed to be done. This kind of thing is often at the root of so much stress, tension and ultimately illness. So what can we do about it? I think the main answer is we need to trust. Trust in the Universe to look after us, trust our own ability to deal with situations as and when they arise, trust that with an ounce of planning and wee bit of care we will avoid these pitfalls. I realise that trusting is a big ask in a world that often feels unsafe, but the alternative seems to be that we live each of our worst fears a million times before they can even occur!

Today try trusting a little more, and worrying a little less and the energy it will release will enable you to fly over these bear traps! Good luck..

Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He’s going to be up all night anyway.” Mary C Crowley

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened” Winston Churchill

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 12th, 2008 at 12:09 and is filed under General, Hints, Tips & Techniques. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

8 Responses to “WHAT IF… it never happens?”

  1. Nicolas_d says:
    12 January , 2008 at 13:57

    God Grant me the Serenity
    To accept the things
    I cannot change

    Courage to change the things I can
    And the wisdom
    To know the difference

  2. richardderwentcooke says:
    12 January , 2008 at 13:59

    Nick
    That says it all in words that I can’t improve on and with a spirit I dream of matching. Thank you

  3. SarahArrow says:
    12 January , 2008 at 14:04

    Hi Richard, the trouble with worries is, they always seem bigger in your thoughts than in real life. I like the idea of leaving them with God, as he is up all night anyway…I wonder if some of this is our training from our childhoods, in being prepared, preparing for the future. Perhaps we need to guide our families with a mechanism to say “enough preparation has been done, lets lock it away….”
    Have you any suggestions for ‘ending’ the ‘be prepared’ aspect?

    Sarah

  4. ida_h says:
    12 January , 2008 at 16:54

    Another fab blog Richard!

    Worrying.. my good friend Grace always signs her emails to me as follows” WORRYING IS LIKE A ROCKING HORSE, IT GIVES YOU SOMETHING TO DO BUT DOES NOT GET YOU ANYWHERE” I don’t know whether she read this in a book, I understand the meaning of those words. I like others don’t put those words in practice often enough, imgaine what would happen if we did!

    My sister bought me a good book about worrying by Dale Carnegie and icnredibly I left on a BA flight to Stockholm last year. I made several calls to BA to try and recover it as I had not finished reading it, in vain.. one of the people I spoke to saw the irony of the whole situation and said “I suppose if you had your book you would have guidelines on how to handle this whole situation

    Ida

  5. richardderwentcooke says:
    12 January , 2008 at 17:05

    Sarah,

    Maybe one of the advantages in an old fashion upbringing is prayers before bed. I have to say that I still spend a few moments handing over my wishes and worries to God.

    If you think about it, one of the things we all do is to focus on something else to distract us from our worries; some people dust, some walk the dog, some hit the hell out of a little ball… all of these can work. Putting your energy into something you can influence or at least enjoy does work.

    I think that worry can be, at least in part, a bad habit (I know that it can also be trained into us by our families and culture, in which case this is a biggie!) So do set a positive example for your family.

    I wish you luck Sarah, and think it is great you are thinking about how to help your kids avoid this trap

  6. richardderwentcooke says:
    12 January , 2008 at 17:09

    Ida, thank you once again

    Of course your friend is right. I came across something similar in researching this, only it was a rocking chair… I prefer your friends version.
    Have a look on Amazon Market Place … yours for £2.73! another little book on this is “Don’t sweat the small stuff”… and it is ALL small stuff!

  7. barrie_c says:
    12 January , 2008 at 18:58

    Hi Richard,

    My Dad always told me to “trust no one”. He was a police officer so I guess he was influenced by his work experience.

    Trusting no one has not helped me in life. If I am to trust someone it takes time and good behaviour towards me, has to be demonstrated and clear. Probably, more than with many people, it takes longer to gain my trust as that message to trust no one was drilled in to me from an early age. Another factor that has not helped is the people who I have trusted have let me down or worse (I can still feel those knives in my back!).

    I hate people who are two faced “nice to your face” and when you are not around “maliciously putting you down etc” I expect you get the gist of the point I am making. However, in recent weeks I have been able to trust some new positive people and at the same time ending or reducing contact with negative ones. The effect on me is to return to the optimistic, have a go, can do personality similar to when I was about 18! Fully engaging in all life’s activities and discovering more and more opportunities to move forward with my life!

    Those nights spent “chewing over problems like a dog with a bone” as you described it are over for me. I am sure of that. I have the creative, thinking-on-my-feet, calm-in-a-crisis, capability to bring whatever happens to a satisfactory resolution. Part of that belief is to recognise what you do not have control over and to put things in to perspective – if I am alive I can do what I can no more or less!

    In other words most problems we face are not life threatening and everything else we can learn from our experience what works and what does not work. I tell myself and anyone who will hear me that 90% of what we worry about does not happen!
    The percentage may vary. I do believe a lot of what we worry about does not happen!………

    It is not difficult to test this and a coping strategy is to write down what you are worrying about as concisely as you can and with clarity. Then as time and events pass compare what has happened to what you were worrying about.

    A final note on my Dad’s advice is as follows. He also advised me to: get up when you wake up in the morning, hard work is the only way to get results and spend only 80% of what you earn. If only I had followed his advice I would have complete freedom about what and how much work and money I will need for a secure future!

    I wish that Ecademy members can follow this approach and have no or few worries!

    BaZ

  8. richardderwentcooke says:
    12 January , 2008 at 19:00

    Barrie

    Your dad gave you some very sound advice. I am really glad to hear that you have been able to move into a more positive place, where you are able to access more of your personal resources.

    You are right, we waste a lot of energy worrying about things that will never happen, and as a result we are not present in the moment to deal with what is going on!

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