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When to act, and when to wait?

I don’t know if it has always been the case or if it is a modern trend, but it seems to me, that in the West we expect a man to act! I was brought up on Hollywood movies filled with lines like “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do…” [exit hero stage right chewing cigar…& spitting]
I agree that there are definitely times when what you are made of, and who you are, shows up in what you do. However, increasingly, it seems to me that it often calls for as much effort not to act, just to wait; or perhaps to observe, study and understand.

There is a comfort factor in action, and we can forgive ourselves if we have ‘done our best’. However, sometimes you just have to wait, and I find that the hardest ‘deed’ of all. Like every farmer knows, there is a time to reap and a time to sow, and ignoring this gets you nowhere, expect, perhaps, in trouble.

My middle daughter left school last September and didn’t know what to do. She felt no immediate inclination to go to University and didn’t know what career to follow. So she got a job in a coffee shop and got on with her life. She applied when something felt right and wasn’t too thrown when it didn’t work out. A while ago she announced that she now knew what direction she wanted to move in and set about applying for a school. In the meantime, serving coffees, someone comes up to her and says that he has admired the way she handles herself and does she want a job with a big company.

I think it takes great courage, wisdom and trust to live like this and know that I find it a tough challenge. Are you brave enough not to act… just to wait, watch, learn, trust and only move when it feels right?

 

“To everything – turn, turn, turn
There is a season – turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal

A time to laugh, a time to weep!” The Byrds / Pete Seeger

 

PS>> Moments after I posted this blog, my daughter heard she has an unconditional place at the college of her choice…

This entry was posted on Monday, February 18th, 2008 at 09:29 and is filed under Hints, Tips & Techniques, Personal Change, Values & Philosophy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

8 Responses to “When to act, and when to wait?”

  1. carys says:
    18 February , 2008 at 10:22

    Of course, having parents at whom you can cuss and growl when the stress of waiting starts to get to you is a valuable asset xx

  2. richardderwentcooke says:
    18 February , 2008 at 10:31

    As is a mother like you!!
    xxxx

  3. john_d says:
    18 February , 2008 at 14:48

    Wise words… I wonder how events following 911 would have been different if this approach was taken?

  4. john_d says:
    18 February , 2008 at 14:48

    Mmmm… 911 and its aftermath is such an emotionally charged subject it’s often quite difficult to stand back and engage in rational discussion about it. So with the risk of creating a thread of polarised views, what I was thinking about was the knee jerk reaction of targeting Afghanistan in the name of ‘war on terror’ instead of standing back and making the most of the worldwide sympathy that the US received (especially from Islamist nations) and using the event as a catalyst for peace and understanding rather than an excuse for an unwinnable war. A little more thought, dialogue and diplomacy in that situation would surely have created a vastly different outcome…

  5. richardderwentcooke says:
    18 February , 2008 at 14:49

    John,
    I’d love to hear about that… what are you thinking?

  6. richardderwentcooke says:
    18 February , 2008 at 14:50

    This is very interesting stuff. As I have suggested, I think the Americans are particularly vulnerable to this syndrome. One of the problems is the picture we have of ‘who we are’. If you think that you are the World’s sheriff, then you have to go and get the ‘bad guys’. However, to some extent, we are all vulnerable to this syndrome.

  7. SarahArrow says:
    20 February , 2008 at 20:33

    Long time reader, first time commenter ( , if only)

    Hollywood has a lot to answer for, they portray America / US as being different in culture, almost Utopian, than the rest of the world. This is fine, so long as people remember they are just films and have an element of ‘fantasy’.

    It reaches the point where the talk has to be backed up, and without quiet reflection, the right decision cannot be made, it only leads to doubts, recriminations – look how people are responding to the troops when they return home.

    This brings me nicely into the blog you posted a few days ago, about silence. When you rush to fill the silence, you show your hand. Sitting back and listening helps you make the correct decision. As John said, if their hand hand been stayed just a little, a different kind of peace could have happened.

    Sometimes jumping in and doing deeds, means the other person cannot figure it out themselves, sometimes they need a sounding board for their ideas and by just listening, they successfully reach that conclusion. To do it for them reduces their capability in future situations.

    Keep blogging, its good for my mind

    Sarah

  8. richardderwentcooke says:
    20 February , 2008 at 20:35

    Sarah..

    This fab, and well worth the wait!

    I agree that giving people the gift of Silence and Space is a key thing we can do. I used to know a counsellor that used to have a sign on her wall saying “They need a really good listening to…” When we really listen to someone we create space for them to explore, express and explain their feelings.

    Feelings are like flowers and need time to ripen…

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