HERE WE GO AGAIN AND RESPONSE-ABILITY

Today is a rather special day in the Cooke household, my first born daughter is 21, so New Years Eve always has carried some special memories. However, oddly one of the more powerful ones was I think the year before she was born I remember standing out on our doorstep under a cold, starry sky listing to the neighbouring church bells peal in the New Year and feeling a sense of peace and hope. Today is a special day for many people, for many reasons and will be celebrated in many ways too.

But as we stand balance between two years I’m in reflective mood again and those of you who have been reading these blogs will know that I see value in trying to read and learn from recurring patterns. So I thought I would share a thought or two on this with you today. One of my big decisions this year was to try and take steps to prevent me going round some of these all too familiar circuits yet again, like some kind of demented hamster on his wheel, and after about 6 months working with some ideas that tested even my sense of ‘reality’, I can report that it seems to be working. Though I still feel a bit like the kid who is trying to grow plants and wants to keep digging them up to see if they have grown yet, but some part of me also needs to know that something new is growing and another part knows that it is.

One idea that I’d like to share, and it isn’t an original one, but it seems timely is that of Response-Ability. Think about it… something happens that challenges our ability to cope or drives us crazy (it is often someone very close to use like a parent or a sibling or even a partner), they do or say that thing that sets us off (again!) and off we go in our triggered response, be that shouting, crying, attacking or evading. If you take a second you will know what I am talking about. So, it happens, this triggering event / behaviour and usually we react… POW! Just like that! Here we go again!! So what would it be like if we could break that cycle? You know a bit like one of those old cowboy films where the villain has lit the fuse and it races towards the gunpowder barrel when suddenly, at the very last moment, our hero cuts it and no Bang.

So here is the idea: the triggering event occurs, you choose to react in a way that serves you, in other words you develop the strength and capability to choose your response… you build your Response Ability. Breaking free from these triggers that detonate all those bombs in our lives is one of the most liberating things we can do. It is also just about the toughest challenge we face, but I urge you to try it and let me know how you get on. As for me, I’m just a fellow traveller on this road, and I’ll share with you how it goes as I learn more about it.

I wish you all the brightest and best 2008.

“We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.” Kahlil Gibran

“You are the person who has to decide. Whether you’ll do it or toss it aside; you are the person who makes up your mind. Whether you’ll lead or will linger behind. Whether you’ll try for the goal that’s afar. Or just be contented to stay where you are.” Edgar A. Guest:

This entry was posted on Monday, December 31st, 2007 at 09:09 and is filed under Personal Change. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.