Dealing with problem behaviour

When I was training, this was labelled ‘feedback’, and everyone learnt to cringe as soon as they heard the phrase “Can I give you some feedback..”  which was inevitably an excuse for them laying into you whilst feeling superior about it all… at least that is how it felt!  However, from time to time we all have a problem with our work mates, our flat mates or our neighbours and we need to deal with it, so how should we go about it?

Firstly, never attempt this whilst you are hot under the collar, it doesn’t lead to good communication and they will just feel attacked and defend, as almost inevitably, you are attacking them.  So rule No 1, wait till you are calm and can check if the this is really worth raising.  If you still feel that it is, then, step two is to be clear what you want out of the conversation (and yes, Rule No 2 is you must do this face-to-face.)  Be able to explain what change you wish to see and how this will benefit not just you but them too. 

Do not not exaggerate when describing their behaviour and avoid words such as “Always” and “Never”, as this kind of sweeping generalisation is almost never true.  Stick to the facts, and if possible have a record of specifics, so you can give examples.

Don’t puff yourself up in expectation of a confrontation, talk to them nicely (as you would wish them to talk to you if circumstances were reversed,) expecting that they will want to see a happy outcome for both parties, that way they are much more likely to listen to you.

Be honest and clear about how it affects you, and state what you have tried to do to mitigate the issue before looking to them to change their behaviour.  If possible, show them the impact of the issue, to help them see / experience it from your point-of-view, but also take the time to look at their perspective too.

Basically, if you approach them in a calm, pleasant and factual way, you are much more likely to get what you want, and often they will be surprised that they are causing you an issue…

This entry was posted on Monday, May 18th, 2015 at 07:00 and is filed under Communication, Hints, Tips & Techniques. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.