VICTIM OR VILLAIN?

A ‘friend’/colleague of long standing called to tell me (on the QT, “just marking my card”) that I had apparently given someone else we knew a wrong impression. Now in general, and in principle there is no bigger fan of the old Feedback sandwich than me. However, like all things, the art is in the doing, and as any of you out there who have let your kids wild in the kitchen know, you can make some pretty foul-tasting sandwiches!

Another key thing which changes the flavour of almost everything is the intention behind it. We take things from people who love us that we would never take from others because we know, fundamentally, they are on our side. When messages are delivered contaminated with ego or personal agendas, they become less palatable.

However, I am the sort of person who always tries to pan for the nugget of gold in the sewage and wanted to try and extract any value there was from this conversation. I wanted this new relationship to work. I hate miscommunication, and will do almost anything to ensure that it doesn’t happen.
However, he failed to show any interest in finding out the facts (he only had, at most, half of them), he just wanted to tell me how it was (or rather, how he saw it). All that was required of me was to listen for half an hour to this lecture.

Now, going back to the theme of yesterday’s blog, I was keen afterwards to examine what I might have done to bring this about, but after much reflection and discussion, I honestly felt this was much more about him than anything to do with me. I could learn a lesson about the order in which I give my responses, but none of them had been inappropriate.