» Personal Blog

I don’t know if this is a common experience but for me, when relationships got serious I always wondered how you were meant to feel; what scale you were supposed to measure these feelings against; how you could know if they were real etc.  Now we are off the charts again.  Yesterday a concerned friend […][...] read more » There is no map

This morning was another first.  My first empty house, my first Saturday breakfast in an empty kitchen.  Middle daughter is off with her boyfriend, senior daughter travelling back to visit friends and son acting as taxi driver for her.  So there I was, a slice of toast, fresh coffee and juice, talking to myself and […][...] read more » Me and Mick Jagger

I bought Carys a rather lovely, rather expensive glass key ring that contained a silver heart.  I’ve been driving her car recently and the other day, it fell onto our wooden floor… and shattered!  Sometimes it is hard not to feel that Life has a sick sense of humour…[...] read more » Broken hearted

Unbelievably, it is almost a month now since the event that rocked our world to its foundations.  Some say “You don’t know what you have till it is gone” but this wasn’t true for us, but that isn’t to say that you can in anyway guess what life will be like once they are gone.  […][...] read more » So where are we now?

One of the things my family has always enjoyed is grabbing a bunch of movies, maybe some nibbles and settle down to nest together.  We thought this seemed like a plan and I went to our local video store.  I carefully chose three films that I thought met the bill; an animation, a new Jennifer […][...] read more » Someone up there has a sense of humour

We got a letter today for the transplant team telling us that a small flock of phoenixes rose from the ashes of our misfortune.  A 34 yr old lady who had been waiting for 4 yrs has a kidney, as has a 54 yrs who had been on dialysis for 6 yrs.  Her liver is […][...] read more » A second chance… for someone else

Who would have guessed there are bear-traps in Sainsburys?  I was shopping there with my daughter yesterday when I was suddenly struck by the horrible truth …that Carys wasn’t there and would never be there again.  Don’t get me wrong: we loathed shopping there, it was always a chore, so I didn’t expect to have […][...] read more » It’s the little things..

I stood in the garden at dusk, and I stood there listening to the birds singing.  It was as beautiful as ever, pure trills and cadences.  I was  moved and saddened in the same moment.  I couldn’t quite decide if it was sign of hope, in the enduring nature of beauty, or one of sadness […][...] read more » The birds are still singing

Yesterday we had a service for Carys at St Peters In Hascombe.  It is jewel of a church in a beautiful hamlet, village green, pond, ducks, pub, nestling beneath Hascombe hill.  We were lucky enough to find a canon who helped us construct a service that truly matched Carys and the needs of those present.  […][...] read more » Goodbye – the service

In some ways, 11 days on, it is no easier to believe that our lives could have been so fundamentally changed by such a random act.  We all wake up each morning and get on with the mundane tasks that make up the web of our lives.  The toughest thing to deal with is the […][...] read more » 11 days on