Conflicts & Resolution

One only has to look at what is going on in Gaza to see where the failure to resolve disputes can lead and the insane actions that it can lead one to.  The total failure of the Israelis to properly engage the Palestinians in any kind of meaningful dialogue has lead to this appalling situation.  Quite naturally the Israelis want to stop people sending rockets into their homes, but from this seemingly innocent and reasonable desire stems their bombing of schools and UN compounds in Gaza.  And the only harvest they can reap is another generation of Palestinians who have yet another reason to be willing to suffer almost anything if it hurts their enemy.

Clearly this is an extreme situation, but it is the logical extension of all failures to resolve our disputes.  These stem from people seeing the world differently (and I have written a number of times about this) and their belief that they have to compete for what they want rather than co-operating.  If in order for me to win, you have to lose then the outcome is inherently unstable and negative, and sows the seeds for tomorrow’s dispute.  Most of us have had situations with either neighbours or colleagues where we have fallen into this kind of situation.

The alternative approach is to look for a solution where both parties needs are met, perhaps each ends up with a little less than if there had been a one-way solution but each party is able to move forward without resentment.  You have to take the time to communicate, to understand how each party sees the situation and the world, understand their needs as oppose to their wants (which are also important, but needs must be met, but wants can be traded.)

Whilst it is simple to describe this process, finding the stillness and courage to use it is hard work.  When we feel threatened, we usually attack or run away, and neither enables this kind of dialogue.  If you find yourself in this kind of position today, I wish you the courage to find a Win:Win solution to your troubles.

Tags: Communication, disputes, resolutions, win:win

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 17th, 2009 at 10:35 and is filed under Communication, Flight / Fight, Hints, Tips & Techniques. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.