I have talked in the last two days about conflicts and reconciliation.  Both are linked by trust, or its absence.  If you can find no grounds for trust then reconciliation is very hard if not impossible.  When trust breaks down, conflict often results.

So where does trust come from?  We tend to trust things and people that we can understand or are like us, hence the power of the ‘old school tie’ or belonging to the same club or even gang.  It follows that if we don’t come from the same background, or if we don’t know much about the other, the first thing is disclosure so that one can try to build common bonds based on shared experiences.  Sometimes we need to look at quite basic links; in Northern Ireland, during the troubles, mothers on both sides of the divide found commonality in wanting to protect their offspring.

The next component is to be predictable, to do what you say you will and to behave in a way consistent with the information that you have disclosed.   If I get bitten every time I poke the dog with a stick, I might not like it, but I know where I stand; the reverse is also true, if I behave well and get rewarded by getting a positive response back then there is something I can work with and trust.

When we look at behaviour that doesn’t make sense to us it is usually because of missing bits of information the other party holds, and these are often how we feel about what is going on.

How do you feel about trust and what can you do to build more trust in the world?

Prayer of Trust

“MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me.  I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.  But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.

And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.” Thomas Merton