24 Responses to “Lost in the dark?”

1. Anna Figiel says:

   20 November , 2009 at 11:54

   Richard

   In both the practical and metaphorical sense, being lost can sometimes drive you to a resourcefulness you didn’t know you had.

   I’ve also found that asking others for ‘directions’ can be surprisingly helpful.

   Best regards
   Anna

2. richardderwentcooke says:

   20 November , 2009 at 12:04

   I couldn’t agree more Anna, thanks for this great contribution…

3. Simon_E says:

   20 November , 2009 at 12:05

   There might not be any ‘others’ around, though.

4. richardderwentcooke says:

   20 November , 2009 at 12:06

   True Simon, but making yourself available to be found and contacted is a smart move. We do tend to hide when we are afraid assuming that others all ‘know’ what they are doing

5. Simon_E says:

   20 November , 2009 at 12:17

   But sometimes you can find yourself ‘lost’ with the wrong ‘map’ and you have to return to base camp to plan the next expedition.

6. richardderwentcooke says:

   20 November , 2009 at 12:20

   That is exactly right Simon. In NLP there are a lot of ideas about how we draw up our maps and of course they are only a representation of reality not the REAL thing. In the same way as your cartoons are different from the subjects you draw

7. RUTH EDWARDS says:

   20 November , 2009 at 12:23

   Remembering original goals helps. Often amidst the chaos of daily endevours we lose sight of where we want to go. Some years ago – in fact many ! – when I was in that very place I set out a mind map based on information from a self help guide – I cannot recall its name.

   Filed away over the years I came across that map and was amazed to see what I had achieved without remembering it being on the paper! Of course there were some things I hadn’t achieved too – but I guess in my subconscious I had followed a route I wanted.

   My lesson learned – write everything down and focus on the visual map. It may change over time but it gives you a visual compass to work with and keep with you. A reference point for your future journey.

   Ruth Edwards, LLB, eMA
   Smartstart Media Ltd
   “focusing creativity”

8. richardderwentcooke says:

   20 November , 2009 at 13:17

   Ruth,
   I had a very similar experience and still have my version and have my own version of that map too!

9. Mark Perl says:

   22 November , 2009 at 17:48

   Hi Richard, interesting questions. I subscribe to Thoreau’s quote and have heard these times in our lives referred to as times of “death and change”. The ‘death’ of one chapter and a ‘change’ to an alternate reality. How do we know we’re lost? A very personal experience for each of us, I’m sure. Also to very different degrees, too. For me, in my experience of getting ‘lost’ I arrived in a place of muted, almost deafeningly silent, blackness. It drove ‘despair’ into the very fibres of my conciousness & for the longest moment, and for the first time in my life, I questioned my resilience and my ability to get back on track. It seemed too hard and too distant. It didn’t take long for me to realise that despite the love and caring attention of friends, only you, individually, have the power to successfully navigate through these times. It’s all about unleashing your own courage. It’s there, within us all. Interestingly, my personal belief, is that if we look towards others to help, we may falter. Better to try to be self sufficient (very hard in those moments, I know) Most of us are ill equipped to offer valuable, sustained help to those truly in need &, perhaps, simply don’t know how, if the truth be known, so its not a fault. These are the moments, where, once through them, we grow and learn more about ourselves and the world around us. Who is to say whether being lost is ‘good’ or ‘bad’? We can only know once the mists of fear and isolation have dispersed. I agree with you. To stop, for a moment, when we realise we’re lost, is a good thing. A moment to breathe deeply, before moving forward…. & how do we know when we’re ‘found’? For me, I just realised, one day, with no fanfare and no finish-line-tape, that I was back, and had been for a while…. Through it all, my beautiful and supportive girlfriend, Mandy (now my wife,) had walked, beside me all the way, in silence, from 7,000 kms away… it was enough to get me through. For those who are lost, my sincere wish and hope for them, is that there is that person in their orbit, and that through their time of greatest challenge, they will find the courage to hold on to the belief that the sun will shine warm on their face again …….

10. richardderwentcooke says:

    22 November , 2009 at 18:15

    Mark… thanks for sharing this. As you say, this is an intensely personal journey and place and I think it takes courage to admit to being in this rather powerless place and also to refrain from impetuous action. Waiting like a seed in the ground for spring to come and thaw and germinate us is.

    I agree no one else can do this for us but support albeit it silent presence can be immensely valuable, but it takes some wisdom and life experience to realise that this is not a place for the ‘rescuer’.

    I’m please and moved to learn that you found a companion on your journey.

11. Goals v Acceptance - Change Blog says:

    22 November , 2009 at 20:09

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12. Barbara Nugent says:

    23 November , 2009 at 16:23

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
    I am familar with Marianne Williamson’s first sentence, which has become quite a well known quote on its own. I have not, however, had the privelge of reading the powerful words that follow.
    I totally agree with Ruth that it would serve us well to keep them nearby and read them on a regular basis.
    I think I might like to get familar with MW’s other work as well.
    Thank you Richard for the above post.

    Barbara Nugent

13. richardderwentcooke says:

    23 November , 2009 at 16:25

    Thank you.. read the whole thing… it is strangely scary
    rdc

14. Barbara Nugent says:

    23 November , 2009 at 16:25

    In reality, I think more people are afraid of the light than they are of the dark. I’m not saying that they are happy being in the dark but that through their own limiting beliefs they believe this is where they will stay – lost. They adjust and keep hoping someone else will turn on the light switch for them. This can cross over into the fear of success type restrictions and self saboteur actions we implement to keep us lost in the dark with all the excuses for not finding our way out as we stumble along in life.
    It can be scary when you have come to a place where the focus is now on you.

15. Ruth Edwards says:

    23 November , 2009 at 16:26

    I think you are spot on there Barbara. Attention can be uncomfortable for many – even though they are looking for it. Success (in whatever form that takes) can be a scary thing and its safer to stay in the dark.

16. richardderwentcooke says:

    23 November , 2009 at 16:31

    Ruth I wrote these related blogs a year ago now

    This little light of mine and This little light of mine pt 2

17. Ruth Edwards says:

    23 November , 2009 at 16:31

    Sorry I missed those back then…

    Do you think before the time of Tv and Internet and all things ‘in the fast lane’ – the human race was ever as complex and demanding upon itself in terms of individual merit, success, goals and feeling fulfilled etc?

    As a mother , I fear for the future generations because the ‘self broadcasting’ facility of the web etc and the celebrity culture that is imposed upon the minds of our children make it an elevated, unrealistic world in which to live and therefore the fall or setbacks are that much greater for them – and therefore, it so much more likely they will be alone ‘in the dark’ for longer.

    Ooh! Complex indeed!

18. richardderwentcooke says:

    23 November , 2009 at 16:33

    I think that if I just think how things have changed in my own life time and the change in expectations and focus. If we go back a few hundred years you would know that your life would follow almost the exact path of your parents. These days we are urged to form and focus on goals, which whilst useful isn’t all of the story. There is also something about discovering and unfolding and accepting.

    I think that you are right that our children are growing up in a radically different environment and it isn’t all better. It is interesting and scary to consider how alone one can be even in a cyber crowd!

    PS>>> do read Today’s Blog which was inspired by Ruth’s Comment

19. Ruth Edwards says:

    23 November , 2009 at 16:33

    Maybe our generation is the most complex – somewhere between the traditional upbringing and acceptance of our parents guidance and security, and somewhere in the ‘dark’ of the cyberspace revolution. I think we have had to jump on board and learn quickly – and for some the cyber crowd is easier to join than others.
    Definitely scarier for some – but if you can just accept that change is inevitable and try not to fight it or control it, then the ride can be a little easier.

20. richardderwentcooke says:

    23 November , 2009 at 16:34

    Absolutely agree Ruth

21. RUTH EDWARDS says:

    23 November , 2009 at 16:47

    Mark,

    “For me, I just realised, one day, with no fanfare and no finish-line-tape, that I was back, and had been for a while…”

    A very thought provoking entry – with which I empathize.Could not have put it better – and feel that I may be seeing that light at the end of the tunnel myself.

    So pleased you feel you are winning through – tough times are had by all and we all deal with them differently. It is comforting to know that whilst you do not want others to go through dark times, there are similar experiences going on with many of us and therefore we have a common bond albeit you can feel like you are going a bit crazy at times, that you have lost the plot and therefore doomed to failure! In the end you are right, it comes down to us to come out the other side.

    Stay happy

    Ruth

22. richardderwentcooke says:

    26 November , 2009 at 09:00

    Thank you Ruth, from what I gather, this is a time where many of us are having similar experiences and unfortunately, these feel very much ‘solo flights’. I suppose in one sense they are, and we are each being tested, or perhaps testing ourselves to see if we are ready to move on and up to something different.

    I wish you strength and joy in your journey

23. RUTH EDWARDS says:

    26 November , 2009 at 11:01

    Richard, moving on is hard for many and scary. The fear can make you find every excuse under the sun not to do something positive which is of course contradictory. Your comments on the following page would be welcome
    http://www.ecademy.com/node.php?id=139552
    Ruth

24. richardderwentcooke says:

    26 November , 2009 at 11:15

    DONE!
    You are right Ruth… and I have commented there as requested

    If you are always “too busy” to do the things that are important to you, then I suspect that you should be asking some questions, such as “What am I really afraid of?” and “What is the worst that could happen?”

    The truth is we do nothing ot avoid disappointment and in fact settle for being permanently disappointed but without the agony of having to, for a short while, hope /dream that things might be different.

    Fear holds you back…
    If you are interested in learnign a bit more about it you read this about the Flight / Fight response. It is sufficently important that I regularly cover it in my blog