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Achtung Minen!

Helping others to move forwards is always a tricky proposition. Just because we made it across the ‘ravine’ doesn’t make it any easier for them to do so. In fact, it can make it scarier for them because they are now alone on the far side! Telling them it will be all right achieves nothing either. In fact this reminds me of a time, many years ago, when I was taking our bouncy, friendly English setter for a walk. This dog never growled at anyone. I went to cross this river via a slatted wooden bridge, and we proceeding normally until I suddenly came to startling halt. I turned round and discovered the dog had braced all four legs and refused to move another step. I couldn’t figure it out till I realised that now when he looked down he didn’t see ground, but water. Tug as I would he wasn’t going anywhere but back. I tried every tactic I could think of but in the end, we had to walk back home the long way.

Inside each of us there is a something very similar and just as resistant to moving forward into situations it has labelled ‘dangerous’. It would sooner keep us in our current pain, regardless of the cost to us, as it understands the rules of the current game we are playing.

You can’t reason with someone in this position, you can’t bully them, you can’t bride them. In the end you have to just be with them as best you can. You can offer your love, your support and your truth… and that is about it.

One thing to remember is that at the moment I am talking about others, tomorrow (or some tomorrow yet to come) it will be us! We all do this, we all have out ‘no go’ zones. If you can’t see them then, that is just a measure of how effective this little inner censor is in keeping you away from this ‘danger zone’. God Bless.

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” Michelangelo

 

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 20th, 2008 at 09:29 and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

2 Responses to “Achtung Minen!”

  1. Satin says:
    20 April , 2008 at 12:30

    Richard – congrats again. As always, I like to re-read your blogs because there’s so much depth and insight within them, this one immediately made me think of the fight-flight response, and how neatly it fits in with the ‘burning platform’ concept in “The Risk of Staying Closed” post.

    Each of us has their own characteristic of how we react to adversity, do we run, do we fight, or do we take the tougher route of self-observation, understanding, and choosing to exercise emotional intelligence. The latter approach enables us to turn the apparently adverse situation into a possible opportunity and then we can start to motivate ourselves by going for the carrot rather than running from the big stick – surely a much better option in terms of achieving desirable results and personal happiness, no ? Maybe we can all start to see the supportive bridge rather than the fearsome ravine which basically spells IMMINENT DEATH !

    I’d like to hear much more from you about specific approaches and techniques that you have used to help clients work thru their barriers, this area is a really fascinating mix of of business management techniques and psychotherapy. This is surely the future of sustainable business growth ?

  2. richardderwentcooke says:
    20 April , 2008 at 12:44

    Thank you very much for these kind words. I am very flattered to evoke this kind of response, and, in truth, it makes the effort worthwhile…

    I agree very much with your comments.

    Are you aware that people are intrinsically differently motivated? Some are more inclined to a moving towards a good thing response, whilst others tend to need to flee a bad thing?

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