Are you a complainer?

I don’t mean about things that you should raise your voice against such as poor service etc, rather are you inclined to find yourself telling someone how everything would be just perfect if it weren’t for [blank….. insert the name of the person or thing that you’re a railing against]? My wife drew my attention to this quote from Chuck Spezzano1
“Complaining is an attack on your self-image … you are denying your personal Power.” Not being very bright, I had to think about it for a while, and then I got it.

He is reminding us that if we make others responsible for our lives not working then we are effectively saying that we have no power to improve things. In denying our own contribution to whatever is going on in our lives, by being attached to both ‘being right’ and ‘being a victim’, we can do nothing but complain.

The alternative is to say that I can change. I can change how I feel about this; I can choose a different response; I can communicate in a way that will be heard. In the end, I can always walk away.

I thought that this was thought worth sharing……….

“Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses” German proverb

“Man spends his life in reasoning on the past, in complaining of the present, in fearing future.” Antoine Rivarol


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4 Responses to “Are you a complainer?”

    We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another.
    Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough and we’ll be more content when they are.
    After that, we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.
    We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation or when we retire.
    The truth is there’s no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges.
    It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.
    Happiness is the way.
    So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with … and remember that time waits for no one.
    Until your car or home is paid off.
    Until you get a new car or home.
    Until your kids leave the house.
    Until you go back to school.
    Until you finish school.
    Until you lose 10 lbs.
    Until you gain 10 lbs.
    Until you get married.
    Until you get a divorce.
    Until you have kids.
    Until you retire.
    Until summer.
    Until spring.
    Until winter.
    Until fall.
    Until you die.
    There is no better time than right now to be happy.
    Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
    So work like you don’t need money,
    love like you’ve never been hurt,
    and, dance like no one’s watching.”

    I don’t recollect the provenance of this but I think it works…

  2. ida_h says:

    Richard,any ideas on how to handle serial complainers or how to ensure that we don’t become one?

    You could insert “When I have more money”, “When I get the girl”, “When I buy that sports car”, etc etc etc I agree with you Nikki, what if this time never comes then what?

    Ida Horner
    Ethnic Supplies

  3. You can ask them “So what can / will you do about that?” or “How have you contributed to this?” or “Why will it be any different tomorrow unless you act today?”

    You can tell them how their complaining affects you. Tell them what you are observing.

  4. ida_h says:

    I like that, I suppose it redirects their thinking to a more proactive approach to whatever they are unhappy about?

    Ida Horner

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