How to understand the mechanics of someone’s first impressions (and influence them positively!)

We all seem to think that we are good at reading people and ‘trust’ those first impressions and it takes a lot of work, or time and  positive experience to change this if we didn’t like you.  Conversely, we tend assume that others will see our greatness, our potential and love us (just like our Mum’s!) this is called the transparency illusion, when we believe others will correctly interpret our positive signals.  In truth, people aren’t so good at reading these micro-signals we give off and one looks very much like the other.  Also, we often judge on relatively little data and some of us don’t always pay full attention to others especially if the initial impressions are negative.

So what criteria or tests do we use to judge others in these initial moments?  We want to know if this other person is a potential threat or a potential resource; if they are like us or not, and if they are not like us, are the differences useful and stimulating or threatening?  So we view people through what Heidi Grant Halvorson in the Harvard Business Review describes as  3 lenses:-

1. The Trust lens,
2. The Power lens and
3. The Ego lens

First we want to know if we can trust them; are they friend or foe.  Next we want to assess if they are more or less powerful than us.  This one is a little more complex in as much as it works a little differently in social and business situations.  If it is a work situation and we are appealing to someone with more perceived power than us (such as a boss or a potential customer), they need us to prove to them that we are potentially of value to them.  In effect, we have to earn their attention.  Finally, as we all need to feel good about ourselves, we scan for ‘evidence’ that we are better than them. 

In order to jump safely through these ‘hoops’ we can do a few things to help our case.  We need to amplify our signals a little to ensure they are both perceived and received.  It is a little like the driving test, where you can’t just check your mirror, you have to show that you have done so.  Clearly articulate how you can be helpful to them.  Use words like we  rather than I and you, to show you are on their side.  There are more hints and tips in the main article.  However, regular readers of this site will be familiar with the idea that we all filter our impressions and thoughts through lenses, check out the Reality Model.  They will also understand how important it is to build rapport, and there is lots of stuff here.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 19th, 2015 at 08:00 and is filed under Communication, Hints, Tips & Techniques. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.