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Blocks & Barriers

Recently I have been suffering from a small ear blockage, which has reduced my hearing in one ear down to about 50% or so. It is intermittent and not serious and will soon be dealt with, but despite all this, I have found it strangely troubling. Apart form the very mild buzzing it creates, it seems to also build an invisible wall around me and I just feel the need to retreat behind it. It sounds silly and if anyone else were to say this to me I would probably think they were being daft! It is odd how such a tiny thing can become a literal barrier between me and the world.

I can rationalise it as being about the increased difficulty of communicating becomes ‘too much work’, but whilst it certainly requires more effort and determination, that really isn’t it. I can remind myself how lucky I am that it is so small and merely temporary and remember those poor people who suffer more serious forms of deafness. However the knowing and understanding does not alter my subjective state one jot. I feel like the sun has gone behind a cloud.

Of course we all erect and use barriers all the time; “If I ignore him, I can pretend I didn’t see him…” “I’ll pretend I never heard her…” “I’m not in…” and they have valid social usages, but there are also those ones we hide behind, ones that make us smaller than we really are, ones that keep us locked up when the world wants us to come out and play.

Mine is being dismantled tomorrow, but today might be a good day for you to take down and destroy some of your own barricades and let the world see just who you really are…

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Jalal ad-Din Rumi

“You cannot be wimpy out there on the dream-seeking trail. Dare to break through barriers, to find your own path.” Les Brown

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 16th, 2008 at 07:19 and is filed under Communication, Personal Change. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

2 Responses to “Blocks & Barriers”

  1. Simon_e says:
    16 July , 2008 at 15:05

    I’ve been moderately deaf all my life and I can confirm it IS a barrier. You miss out on so much. You don ‘t hear the little asides in conversations that everyone else is laughing at. You don’t catch every word of an important conversation and spend a lot of the time deciding what the person was probably saying (surprisingly accurately as well!). In social circumstances you catch some people giving you a weird, hard look and later you realise it is because you hadn’t heard something and had given the wrong response. I have been told sometimes that I have appeared rude and aloof and sometimes cut people off and walk away. All this is because I miss what is going on and make bad judgements as a result. When talking to someone with a quiet voice it can give rise to irritation. You say ‘pardon’ several times and they merely repeat what they said at the same volume.

    Of course, the hearing aid is a slight benefit. But it’s not the perfect solution for my particular form of deafness. Also, I suppose the sight of the hearing aid makes people more aware of the reasons why you are a complete plonker.

    And there are advantages. I’ve never heard anyone insult me when I turn my back. Hence my massive ego. I can immerse myself in writing and drawing quickly and lose touch with the outside world very quickly. And of course, I can blame my hearing for anything that has gone wrong like bad exam results or missed appointments. Oh, yes, my deafness is my crutch. My ears are my Achilles Heel. Actually, I’ve got weak ankles – they’re my Achilles Heel.

    I sincerely hope you get your ear sorted out soon Richard. I said: I SINCERELY HOPE YOU GET YOUR EAR SORTED OUT SOON!

    Simon
    http://caricatures.org.uk

  2. richardderwentcooke says:
    16 July , 2008 at 15:07

    Deafness

    Simon, thank you for sharing this. I can certainly relate to it and have a tiny insight into what you describe . I find that in this space I just want to turn inwards and sink down into myself

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