It is now 20 months since Carys died, and many people have told me that that is no time.  Subjectively it feels like an eon.  I feel separated from my previous life by a rift he size of the Grand Canyon.  

I realised something the other day which, on reflection,  seemed important.  It maybe be glaringly obvious to everyone else, but was a revelation to me.  I realised that we heal from the outside inwards.  Which is to say that all of the outward facing bits seem to be fully adjusted and we are coping with our lives; business is being done, lessons are being attended, houses cleaned and meals cooked.  However, it feels like I have a hollow centre.  The bit which contained the meaning and purpose, is empty.  I am also very aware that all the bits people can see are working well, but of course they don’t realise that the motor force is missing.

I write this more in the hope that it may help someone else find their way through this maze or perhaps better guide and support a loved one…