I think that one of the most profound lessons I have learnt over the last 9 months since Carys’s passing has been that when you lose someone that each person experiences and processes that loss very differently.  I am aware that setting it down like this it seems a statement of the obvious (and perhaps it is.)  However, when a family loses a member you tend to assume that you are all on a somewhat similar path and timetable.  This could not be more wrong.  Last night my daughter had a very difficult time of it and broke down. It is now even more clear to me that my children are on a very different timetable to me.  Of course some of this is simply a feature of the different relationship we had with her, and some of it is down to our differing characters, experience etc. 

I can see that for all we have achieved in this period, there is still a huge distance to travel.  I know that we all have our own  interpretation of reality, but this aspect of it is singularly challenging. It serves to reinforce the fact that whenever we fail to find out where the other person starts their journey from, we are likely meet with some level of miscommunication.  I feel that I must be failing to get over the significance of this discovery, as this seems to read like something we should all know already, and yet I have never heard it before.

The other feature of last night was the realisation that when you scratch the surface of the new ‘paint’ that we have applied, it is clear just how much damage is still present beneath the surface.  I send out my thoughts and prayers to you others who are on this painful path too…

“Grief is perhaps an unknown territory for you. You might feel both helpless and hopeless without a sense of a “map” for the journey. Confusion is the hallmark of a transition. To rebuild both your inner and outer world is a major project.”   Anne Grant