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Overnight, everything is different

On Sunday, my wife of nearly 25 years, Carys & I went off to watch a rugby game.  That in itself was a total change, as she had historically hated the game and my love of it.  However, she decided ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’ and came with me.  It was a lovely.  After half-time she started complaining about neck pains, so we left.  Before we got to the car she was sick. 

That night she was very floppy and out-of-it.  In the morning she seemed a little better.  To cut a long story short, shortly after 3pm she collapsed and I called an ambulance.  She was rushed to the Royal Surrey, where it slowly became clear that the situation was beyond anything I’d ever imagined.  I then learnt she had had a stroke.  They decided to transfer her to Kings College for emergency surgery, but before I left the doctor warned me that the outlook was not good.

She died that night of a massive brain haemorrhage.

People say “Carpe Diem”, but in reality few of us do.  Make time to kiss your loved one today, to make sure they know how you feel, because just sometimes, that one-in-a-million event that is meant to happen to someone else, happens to you…

Luckily, I think she knew just what we shared and was justly proud of our wonderful family, who have been magnificent.

“Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love.”   George Eliot

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 10th, 2010 at 01:01 and is filed under Personal Blog, Personal Change. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

26 Responses to “Overnight, everything is different”

  1. Tim O'Donnell says:
    10 February , 2010 at 08:29

    Dear Richard,

    I am sorry to read your sad news. I have read your words several times and have just taken your advice and kissed my wife. If you’re ever near Padua or Venice let me know.

    With feeling

    Tim

  2. richardderwentcooke says:
    10 February , 2010 at 09:40

    Thank you Tim… I hope that you have something close to what we had in your lives…

    God Bless

  3. Sarah Arrow says:
    10 February , 2010 at 09:41

    Richard, what tragic news.
    I was lucky enough to have met Carys a few times and her warmth and sense of humor are just two of the things that made me like her.
    Am so sorry for your loss xxxx

  4. richardderwentcooke says:
    10 February , 2010 at 09:42

    Thanks Sarah… I know that you guys understand a bit about the kind of special relationship we had. Give Kev a cuddle and hold him close

  5. Jeff Nutbeem says:
    10 February , 2010 at 10:14

    Dear Richard

    I’m so sorry to read this. If you ever feel like meeting up for a beer again just give me a shout, we’re not too far away are we. Wishing you all the best.

    regards
    Jeff

  6. Nikki Pilkington says:
    10 February , 2010 at 10:57

    So sorry to hear this sad news Richard, but thank you for sharing. I hope everyone hugs their loved ones a little closer after reading this. x

  7. richardderwentcooke says:
    10 February , 2010 at 10:58

    Nikki thank you so much.. I people follow your advice!

  8. Cornelis de Maijer says:
    10 February , 2010 at 13:23

    Dear Richard,
    Our thoughts are with you in these difficult days.

    “I am on the beach in the surf,
    In the morning I see a sailboat sailing on the high seas….

    She is beautiful and I keep seeing her,
    Until she disappears behind horizon.
    Someone next to me says: “She is no more.”

    No more? Is that true?….
    She is only lost from our sight.
    The slowly diminishing and even disappearing from sight is all we see….And we tell ourself that she is gone…”

    The horizon is just a limitation of our vision.

  9. richardderwentcooke says:
    10 February , 2010 at 13:24

    Cornlis,

    Thank you for your thoughts. She is eternally entwined in all our lives, and as the days go by we keep finding out how many people feel this way

  10. Amanda Hamilton says:
    10 February , 2010 at 13:25

    Loving you so much from here Richard, so very sorry to hear of Carys leaving this world so very abruptly and unexpectedly. What a comfort it will be to you that you had such a wonderful relationship together, but what a loss.

    Hugs xxxx

  11. richardderwentcooke says:
    10 February , 2010 at 17:50

    Thank you so much for your lovely comments and thoughts Amanda. We really did have a fabulous, once-in-a-lifetime type of relationship

  12. Being weak so that others may be strong - Change Blog says:
    10 February , 2010 at 23:00

    […]     « Overnight, everything is different […]

  13. Sam Deeks says:
    10 February , 2010 at 23:15

    Richard, I am so sorry to read your news. I have no idea of what such loss is like all I can say is I’m thinking of you
    S

  14. Nick Ingram says:
    11 February , 2010 at 04:10

    Richard, my condolences for your sudden loss. My thoughts are with you.

  15. richardderwentcooke says:
    11 February , 2010 at 07:03

    Thank you very much Nick & Sam…

  16. Jo Mack says:
    11 February , 2010 at 15:20

    How terrible Richard, I’m so sorry. Life can change so quickly, often just when you least expect it.

  17. richardderwentcooke says:
    11 February , 2010 at 15:53

    Thank you Jo; that is very much the point and of course, to stay sane, we hide this truth from ourselves, which is fine, provided that you are living your life in accordance with your true values. So many of us think we can cheat for a little while but that only works for a while!

  18. Two days on… Strangely, absurdly normal - Change Blog says:
    11 February , 2010 at 16:45

    […] if you have been following this sad saga, you will know that my wife of almost 24 years passed away the other day.  Today we had a more […]

  19. John Savage says:
    11 February , 2010 at 17:08

    Only just seen your sad news. Thinking about you and your children at this difficult time and taking on-board your excellent advice. God bless.

  20. richardderwentcooke says:
    11 February , 2010 at 17:28

    Thank you for your thoughts John

  21. Shaun Gisbourne says:
    12 February , 2010 at 05:46

    Richard, can hardly begin to understand how this must be affecting you. I sincerely hope that you and your loved ones are getting the support and love you need at this time. Thank you for having the courage to share.

  22. Steve Holmes says:
    12 February , 2010 at 20:16

    Oh, Richard. I am so sorry this tragic thing has happened. Please call me at any time at all. I will send you my number by email.

  23. Roger Vanstone says:
    12 February , 2010 at 20:54

    Oh Richard

    I’ve only just been made aware of this awful news. I’m so sorry.

    My thoughts are with you.

    Roger V

  24. richardderwentcooke says:
    12 February , 2010 at 23:37

    Steve, Roger, very many thanks for kind thoughts… they are much appreciated

  25. What’s it all about Alfie? - Change Blog says:
    30 March , 2010 at 09:52

    […] 7 weeks ago, the rug was pulled out from under us all when Carys died.  Since then we have all struggled to reorient to our new world, to find new roles and […]

  26. Stopping is a change too - Change Blog says:
    12 April , 2010 at 13:33

    […] been able to drive and things have ground to a halt.  It may have been a delayed reaction to Carys’ death.  So I decided that if the Universe required me stop, maybe I’d better take the […]

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