Posts Tagged ‘reality model’

Venus..a new look

Saturday, January 8th, 2011

This picture of Venus was created by NASA using radar data.  I find it an amazing new look at our closest neighbour, albeit 70 million miles distant.  Seeing something old in a new light is one path to understanding.  I often consider this ‘new light’ to be the Mother of Change.  We all see our world, our business and our neighbours through a series of filters such as our past experience, our old judgements and our beliefs but all these cloud the truth just as Venus’ atmosphere clouds from our view.  Dispel these clouds and it is surprizing what shines out…

At the beginning of  this new year, maybe it is time to see something close to you in a new light?  I’d love to hear from you of any relevant thoughts or actions…

“History is malleable. A new cache of diaries can shed new light, and archaeological evidence can challenge our popular assumptions.”  Ken Burns  

Resources:  Reality Model

We all walk a singular path…

Monday, December 6th, 2010

I think that one of the most profound lessons I have learnt over the last 9 months since Carys’s passing has been that when you lose someone that each person experiences and processes that loss very differently.  I am aware that setting it down like this it seems a statement of the obvious (and perhaps it is.)  However, when a family loses a member you tend to assume that you are all on a somewhat similar path and timetable.  This could not be more wrong.  Last night my daughter had a very difficult time of it and broke down. It is now even more clear to me that my children are on a very different timetable to me.  Of course some of this is simply a feature of the different relationship we had with her, and some of it is down to our differing characters, experience etc. 

I can see that for all we have achieved in this period, there is still a huge distance to travel.  I know that we all have our own  interpretation of reality, but this aspect of it is singularly challenging. It serves to reinforce the fact that whenever we fail to find out where the other person starts their journey from, we are likely meet with some level of miscommunication.  I feel that I must be failing to get over the significance of this discovery, as this seems to read like something we should all know already, and yet I have never heard it before.

The other feature of last night was the realisation that when you scratch the surface of the new ‘paint’ that we have applied, it is clear just how much damage is still present beneath the surface.  I send out my thoughts and prayers to you others who are on this painful path too…

“Grief is perhaps an unknown territory for you. You might feel both helpless and hopeless without a sense of a “map” for the journey. Confusion is the hallmark of a transition. To rebuild both your inner and outer world is a major project.”   Anne Grant

Being wrong.. pt2

Monday, April 7th, 2008

Following on from yesterday’s blog about being wrong, I’d like to explore this a little more in the world of work. If you are a boss, it is easy to feel that it is your job to solve every problem, rather than just getting them resolved. It is easy to become invested in ‘being right’ rather than discovering the right solution. If our status or ego is invested in ‘being right’, then ‘being right’ can feel the same as ‘being the boss’… and that is who we are, isn’t it? When who you are equates to your position or status, then anything that ‘attacks’ it, is a personal attack. In today’s crazy workplace where here in Britain we work longer than anywhere else in Europe, by the time we get home, we have little left to give, we tend to invest even more heavily in our work persona.

This means being wrong here fundamentally undermines our view of our value, at least at an emotional level. If our bosses are compelled to be right then the rest of us have to stomach being wrong, and that is utterly unpalatable to most people; it literally poisons their system. For those who work as ‘experts’ such as consultants and people in professional services fields, then ‘being wrong’ is even worse! This can become a Gordian knot when it is the client who is putting us in this position; you can’t serve two masters – who do you listen to, the customer or your ego?

The answer seems to lie in realising that we are loveable and valuable as human beings whether we are right or not, but I suspect internalising this lesson is one of the hardest we all face. Of course, it is very easy to tell ourselves we are not like this, and we don’t need to face up to this dilemma. If by any chance, you hear a little voice in your head telling you that this doesn’t apply to you …. Chances are that you are wrong!

“Don’t argue for other people’s weaknesses. Don’t argue for your own. When you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it / immediately.” Stephen R. Covey

“I’m willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.” Samuel Goldwyn

Being wrong

Sunday, April 6th, 2008

I don’t really know why but it seems that most of us would sooner damage ourselves, or at least our relationships and wellbeing than admit we are wrong. It was something I noticed very clearly in my children as they grew up, just how much they hated it if you ‘made them wrong’: and despite all the experience we acquire of being wrong as journey through Life, it doesn’t get any easier!

I don’t think it is helped by the fact that we live within our own little bubbles of reality* that are little worlds, complete unto themselves. We sit there minding our own business and then, like a fish lurking in the depths of a deep pool, our awareness is tugged at by someone else’s intrusion. In the world of objective reality, they have done nothing wrong, and like that fish, we rise to the surface and SNAP at the disturbance on the surface. As far as we are concerned, it is case closed.

However, often they experience something very different. They have just been attacked by someone they trust or even love… how horrid is that?! When it happens to us we grow to distrust, or at least be guarded around the people who do this to us; they aren’t safe. Yet most of us do it. In our own world’s we have done nothing wrong or nasty. In reality, we have responded inappropriately and are responsible for the consequences of our actions.

Even knowing all this, it is hard to explain to the self-righteous child within us all, that we have to apologise, especially if we are now being apparently attacked! Sitting here writing this, it is easy to see how stupid all this is; when we are the person trapped in this spiral it is usually much harder. I hope that if you are not one of the wise ones, who never make this kind of mistake that this might act as a little warning light on your ‘dashboard’ and keep you from hurting someone you love…

“Once we realize that imperfect understanding is the human condition, there is no shame in being wrong, only in failing to correct our mistakes.” George Soros

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