Posts Tagged ‘saying sorry’

Being wrong.. pt2

Monday, April 7th, 2008

Following on from yesterday’s blog about being wrong, I’d like to explore this a little more in the world of work. If you are a boss, it is easy to feel that it is your job to solve every problem, rather than just getting them resolved. It is easy to become invested in ‘being right’ rather than discovering the right solution. If our status or ego is invested in ‘being right’, then ‘being right’ can feel the same as ‘being the boss’… and that is who we are, isn’t it? When who you are equates to your position or status, then anything that ‘attacks’ it, is a personal attack. In today’s crazy workplace where here in Britain we work longer than anywhere else in Europe, by the time we get home, we have little left to give, we tend to invest even more heavily in our work persona.

This means being wrong here fundamentally undermines our view of our value, at least at an emotional level. If our bosses are compelled to be right then the rest of us have to stomach being wrong, and that is utterly unpalatable to most people; it literally poisons their system. For those who work as ‘experts’ such as consultants and people in professional services fields, then ‘being wrong’ is even worse! This can become a Gordian knot when it is the client who is putting us in this position; you can’t serve two masters – who do you listen to, the customer or your ego?

The answer seems to lie in realising that we are loveable and valuable as human beings whether we are right or not, but I suspect internalising this lesson is one of the hardest we all face. Of course, it is very easy to tell ourselves we are not like this, and we don’t need to face up to this dilemma. If by any chance, you hear a little voice in your head telling you that this doesn’t apply to you …. Chances are that you are wrong!

“Don’t argue for other people’s weaknesses. Don’t argue for your own. When you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it / immediately.” Stephen R. Covey

“I’m willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.” Samuel Goldwyn

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Posted in Business Change, General, Leadership, Personal Change | 2 Comments »

Being wrong

Sunday, April 6th, 2008

I don’t really know why but it seems that most of us would sooner damage ourselves, or at least our relationships and wellbeing than admit we are wrong. It was something I noticed very clearly in my children as they grew up, just how much they hated it if you ‘made them wrong’: and despite all the experience we acquire of being wrong as journey through Life, it doesn’t get any easier!

I don’t think it is helped by the fact that we live within our own little bubbles of reality* that are little worlds, complete unto themselves. We sit there minding our own business and then, like a fish lurking in the depths of a deep pool, our awareness is tugged at by someone else’s intrusion. In the world of objective reality, they have done nothing wrong, and like that fish, we rise to the surface and SNAP at the disturbance on the surface. As far as we are concerned, it is case closed.

However, often they experience something very different. They have just been attacked by someone they trust or even love… how horrid is that?! When it happens to us we grow to distrust, or at least be guarded around the people who do this to us; they aren’t safe. Yet most of us do it. In our own world’s we have done nothing wrong or nasty. In reality, we have responded inappropriately and are responsible for the consequences of our actions.

Even knowing all this, it is hard to explain to the self-righteous child within us all, that we have to apologise, especially if we are now being apparently attacked! Sitting here writing this, it is easy to see how stupid all this is; when we are the person trapped in this spiral it is usually much harder. I hope that if you are not one of the wise ones, who never make this kind of mistake that this might act as a little warning light on your ‘dashboard’ and keep you from hurting someone you love…

“Once we realize that imperfect understanding is the human condition, there is no shame in being wrong, only in failing to correct our mistakes.” George Soros

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Posted in General, Personal Change, Values & Philosophy | 2 Comments »