Posts Tagged ‘being wrong’

Being wrong.. pt2

Monday, April 7th, 2008

Following on from yesterday’s blog about being wrong, I’d like to explore this a little more in the world of work. If you are a boss, it is easy to feel that it is your job to solve every problem, rather than just getting them resolved. It is easy to become invested in ‘being right’ rather than discovering the right solution. If our status or ego is invested in ‘being right’, then ‘being right’ can feel the same as ‘being the boss’… and that is who we are, isn’t it? When who you are equates to your position or status, then anything that ‘attacks’ it, is a personal attack. In today’s crazy workplace where here in Britain we work longer than anywhere else in Europe, by the time we get home, we have little left to give, we tend to invest even more heavily in our work persona.

This means being wrong here fundamentally undermines our view of our value, at least at an emotional level. If our bosses are compelled to be right then the rest of us have to stomach being wrong, and that is utterly unpalatable to most people; it literally poisons their system. For those who work as ‘experts’ such as consultants and people in professional services fields, then ‘being wrong’ is even worse! This can become a Gordian knot when it is the client who is putting us in this position; you can’t serve two masters – who do you listen to, the customer or your ego?

The answer seems to lie in realising that we are loveable and valuable as human beings whether we are right or not, but I suspect internalising this lesson is one of the hardest we all face. Of course, it is very easy to tell ourselves we are not like this, and we don’t need to face up to this dilemma. If by any chance, you hear a little voice in your head telling you that this doesn’t apply to you …. Chances are that you are wrong!

“Don’t argue for other people’s weaknesses. Don’t argue for your own. When you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it / immediately.” Stephen R. Covey

“I’m willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.” Samuel Goldwyn

Being wrong

Sunday, April 6th, 2008

I don’t really know why but it seems that most of us would sooner damage ourselves, or at least our relationships and wellbeing than admit we are wrong. It was something I noticed very clearly in my children as they grew up, just how much they hated it if you ‘made them wrong’: and despite all the experience we acquire of being wrong as journey through Life, it doesn’t get any easier!

I don’t think it is helped by the fact that we live within our own little bubbles of reality* that are little worlds, complete unto themselves. We sit there minding our own business and then, like a fish lurking in the depths of a deep pool, our awareness is tugged at by someone else’s intrusion. In the world of objective reality, they have done nothing wrong, and like that fish, we rise to the surface and SNAP at the disturbance on the surface. As far as we are concerned, it is case closed.

However, often they experience something very different. They have just been attacked by someone they trust or even love… how horrid is that?! When it happens to us we grow to distrust, or at least be guarded around the people who do this to us; they aren’t safe. Yet most of us do it. In our own world’s we have done nothing wrong or nasty. In reality, we have responded inappropriately and are responsible for the consequences of our actions.

Even knowing all this, it is hard to explain to the self-righteous child within us all, that we have to apologise, especially if we are now being apparently attacked! Sitting here writing this, it is easy to see how stupid all this is; when we are the person trapped in this spiral it is usually much harder. I hope that if you are not one of the wise ones, who never make this kind of mistake that this might act as a little warning light on your ‘dashboard’ and keep you from hurting someone you love…

“Once we realize that imperfect understanding is the human condition, there is no shame in being wrong, only in failing to correct our mistakes.” George Soros

Resources:

What would you do?

Wednesday, March 19th, 2008

You are busy living your life, doing the best that you can. You are a decent sort, popular, do your best. Life has tossed you a few curve balls, but you have fielded them as best you can. You are making a living, looking after your dependents and whenever possible, spending time doing the things that make life sweet. I suppose I am painting a picture of someone cruising down Life’s motorway, listening to the radio, just thinking their thoughts.

Then, out of the blue, you get a bit of unexpected and unwanted information. Someone has told you that, perhaps, you have made a mistake. Maybe, things you thought you had sorted out have just been fudged or swept under the carpet. This news might be like suddenly hearing a strange and unwanted noise from the engine of your metaphorical car as you purr along; should you stop, or will it just go away?

There are a number of possible scenarios:-
1. You know best: You do in fact have the best handle on this situation. You can see things more clearly than others and know best. You have considered all necessary permutations and are on track. No Action Required.
2. Consider this alternative perspective: Perhaps there is something in it; maybe you have not got all the relevant information. Consider the possibility that you need to turn round and address these issues. Potential upside: a better solution. Downside: you will spend time and effort that you would prefer not to.
3. Shot the Messenger: They should know better than to doubt you. They have interrupted and disturbed your smooth progress down Life’s highway and need to be punished.

We all like to be right; we all do the best we can, and despite our self doubts, want to think that we are in the right. This is the comfiest and most normal position to take. It requires no change, and if something needs ‘fixing’, it is someone else’s job. However, we never have all the information about anything. There is always more than one viewpoint about the same situation. Different people want and need different things, in different ways. So sometimes we are asked to shift from a position that we are very comfy in to accommodate someone else’s needs. Mostly we moan about this and feel that we shouldn’t have to ‘leave the warm spot’. However, it is always possible that this new position is better overall for everyone.
We will go a long way to avoid ‘being wrong’; we put up with a great deal to avoid change. We tell ourselves this is as good as it gets, the best we can do, good enough. We talk about the need to be realistic. However, often, being happy starts with admitting we might be wrong, and need to alter what we are doing. Sooner or later, that odd sound from the engine turns into a costly breakdown and we are forced to address it, and perhaps the car is a write off.
So, on the off chance that you are driving along too and have something uncomfortable to consider, what are you going to do about it?

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live; it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” Oscar Wilde
“There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.” French Proverb
“The right to swing my fist ends where the other man’s nose begins.” Oliver Wendell Holmes