Posts Tagged ‘being right’

What would you do?

Wednesday, March 19th, 2008

You are busy living your life, doing the best that you can. You are a decent sort, popular, do your best. Life has tossed you a few curve balls, but you have fielded them as best you can. You are making a living, looking after your dependents and whenever possible, spending time doing the things that make life sweet. I suppose I am painting a picture of someone cruising down Life’s motorway, listening to the radio, just thinking their thoughts.

Then, out of the blue, you get a bit of unexpected and unwanted information. Someone has told you that, perhaps, you have made a mistake. Maybe, things you thought you had sorted out have just been fudged or swept under the carpet. This news might be like suddenly hearing a strange and unwanted noise from the engine of your metaphorical car as you purr along; should you stop, or will it just go away?

There are a number of possible scenarios:-
1. You know best: You do in fact have the best handle on this situation. You can see things more clearly than others and know best. You have considered all necessary permutations and are on track. No Action Required.
2. Consider this alternative perspective: Perhaps there is something in it; maybe you have not got all the relevant information. Consider the possibility that you need to turn round and address these issues. Potential upside: a better solution. Downside: you will spend time and effort that you would prefer not to.
3. Shot the Messenger: They should know better than to doubt you. They have interrupted and disturbed your smooth progress down Life’s highway and need to be punished.

We all like to be right; we all do the best we can, and despite our self doubts, want to think that we are in the right. This is the comfiest and most normal position to take. It requires no change, and if something needs ‘fixing’, it is someone else’s job. However, we never have all the information about anything. There is always more than one viewpoint about the same situation. Different people want and need different things, in different ways. So sometimes we are asked to shift from a position that we are very comfy in to accommodate someone else’s needs. Mostly we moan about this and feel that we shouldn’t have to ‘leave the warm spot’. However, it is always possible that this new position is better overall for everyone.
We will go a long way to avoid ‘being wrong’; we put up with a great deal to avoid change. We tell ourselves this is as good as it gets, the best we can do, good enough. We talk about the need to be realistic. However, often, being happy starts with admitting we might be wrong, and need to alter what we are doing. Sooner or later, that odd sound from the engine turns into a costly breakdown and we are forced to address it, and perhaps the car is a write off.
So, on the off chance that you are driving along too and have something uncomfortable to consider, what are you going to do about it?

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live; it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” Oscar Wilde
“There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.” French Proverb
“The right to swing my fist ends where the other man’s nose begins.” Oliver Wendell Holmes

Listen to the little ones

Monday, March 17th, 2008

We had a gathering of the clan this weekend and a good time was had by all (well mostly!) We were driving home with my three children in the back of the car chatting away about what they had seen and heard, and the things they had observed. It was a fascinating lesson. Admittedly, they are pretty grown up but none-the-less, the views and judgements of the junior team on some of the behaviours of the ‘seniors’ were fascinating. Obviously, I’m not going to recount the various details here, they would be meaningless, but for me there were a number of lessons that I thought worth sharing.

  • Just because you are not one of the management team / ‘grown ups’ doesn’t mean that:-
    1. You don’t have important, and possibly unique, insights & information
    2. You don’t have an opinion that should be considered
  • And just because you are of the management team / ‘grown ups’ doesn’t mean that:-
    1. You are (automatically) right
    2. You are being fair
  • Being asked to accept and understand a situation that affects you is one thing; not being considered or communicated with is quite another.
  • Just because you think you understand a situation, and believe that you have acted appropriately, does not mean that you have, especially if you don’t have all the information, and, guess what… we never have all the information!
  • I know there are people running businesses out there today who are making exactly these mistakes, not to mention a parent or too, so today I am sharing the wisdom of these remarkable youngsters to help us all avoid marching straight into a quicksand.

    “The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.” Clarence Darrow

    “If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not as an example.” George Bernard Shaw