Isn’t the virtual world wonderful?!  It so mirrors the ‘real’ world it just isn’t funny.  Those who know me will know I am a little bit of a techie and love my gadgets.  One of the things that I rely on is my smartphone which is a mini-office in my pocket.  It stays in touch with my PC via a Bluetooth link.  At least that is the theory… periodically and for no apparent reason it will not only stop talking to the PC but forget how to do so.  I spent half an hour this morning going back and deleting all the old settings, and reinstalling all the connections (a fiddly job even if you know what you are doing and have good luck!)  For those of you who might be interested in my ‘cyber-soap story’, they are now back on speaking terms…

However, isn’t this just like us?  Suddenly for no good reason we seem to fall out with people or find them harder to ‘get through to’?  We make all sorts of excuses but often we can never really explain what was going on to cause these problems.  In a good relationship you might talk it through and perhaps there are ‘reasons’, but  I sometimes wonder if these are the real cause or just a rationalisation.

For proper communication to exist, you must understand, and preferably share some fundamental underlying assumptions, concepts and values.  We tend to interpret others actions through the filter of what they would mean if we had done them.  Of course we never have the full information of what the other person feels and knows, so we are in effect, just guessing.  Mostly we are more right than wrong, and mostly when we are slightly off it isn’t too important. 

Communication is always an art, and some of us are better at it than others, but most of us find it pretty challenging at one time or another.  If only we could just delete and reinstall and have it all working smoothly again… until doesn’t!  If you find yourself with a communication challenge today, it probably arises from something which is not being shared, either by you or the other person.  So if it is important to you to get things working smoothly, don’t make assumptions, or at least be clear to them what assumptions you are making.  Check for understanding at each key stage in the message, and don’t move one till they have understood you.  Make equally sure that you understand them. 

I will develop these themes more soon….

“What we’ve got here is failure to communicate”  Cool Hand Luke

“Two monologues do not make a dialogue.”  Jeff Daly