So if you have been following this sad saga, you will know that my wife of almost 24 years passed away the other day.  Today we had a more empty house (though we still had two guests!)  it was much quieter and less frenzied.  The days was gobbled up in all sorts of silly chores – sorting out paper work, logistics, financial matters etc.  There is seemingly a giant ‘stuff hopper’ just above our heads raining down chores and endless tasks. Yet life goes on; washing is done, food prepared, cats are fed. 

The thing I can’t get over to you is how wrong this normality is.  The key turns in the door and I expect it to be her.  Forever is an impossible concept to grasp.  Luckily, we only have to manage one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.

Gradually (I guess) the centre of gravity will shift.  A mighty tree has fallen and let the light shine on those beneath that they may grow stronger….

You may have read in yesterday’s blog that we suffered a grievous bereavement.  An event like this knocks everyone concerned for a six.  The thing that I had not realised, was how wide those ripples spread.  I have heard from neighbours, friends, friend’s children how this has affected them.. just how much they saw and valued her unique gift. 

I was brought up to be  strong and self-sufficient, and as the eldest of four, to be very responsible for others.  It felt odd to accept these offers of help.  I had to accept that it was okay to say “Yes… some help would be most welcome.”  As I let others step up to the plate, it slowly dawned on me that I had to create the space to allow them to show this side of themselves.  I witnessed each of my wonderful children, each in turn, break down, and then on seeing the other’s grief, to comfort them.  In allowing themselves to be comforted they enabled the other to touch their own strength.

Good bosses have always known that giving someone a challenge and truly allowing them step-up to that challenge creates the space for them to grow.  Gardeners do the same thing when they plant out seedlings, they give them space to grow.

I’m sure one of the fruits of this terrible event is that I know that the other people I love will be stronger and so will their love for each other.

“The more you care, the stronger you can be.”   John Rohn