Stronger in the broken place

I mentioned in yesterday’s blog that our water bed had sprung a leak, and some of the ‘fun’ we have had in dealing with it. So having mopped up and found that we had a tiny split in the vinyl, I slapped on the ever present universal remedy… duct tape, and called Mr Waterbed. “No problem! I’ll pop a repair kit in the post and it will be as good as new. In fact it will be stronger than ever.” So today it arrives and I do the repair. Job done!

However, it is an interesting idea that; I remember a doctor telling me when I broke my wrist that the bone would be stronger than before. So often once things have been broken and repaired it is a weak spot. It is interesting to think about your relationships in this light. Sometimes when there is a breakdown, it is followed by a break through and the relationship moves to a new high place. Other times, trust is damaged and you are always scanning for evidence that it might happen again.

I wonder what make the difference? I think perhaps it is down to how much truth is told, and how much fresh insight is gained. If as a result of the problem you completely explore the circumstances and learn more about each other, perhaps you feel safer and more close. Where it is patched up then it is always fragile. It takes courage to go in to those risky and dark places that gave rise to the breakdown in the first palace, but if you don’t, then I suspect it is left permanently damaged and everyone just pretends that it is okay.

What do you think?

“Words and hearts should be handled with care for words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest things to repair.”

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4 Responses to “Stronger in the broken place”

  1. jackie_w says:

    Richard, what perfect blog to read – I’ve just come back from an hour’s show on Talk 107 Radio and one caller had decided that his relationship was over and he now wanted a divorce – only a few minutes later with a few questions and a different perspective he was able to realise that he didn’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water and will take some easy simple steps to find out what the real problem is in the relationship.

    In my experience those with the courage to face up to the fact that there are underlying causes which aren’t always visible or known will either move on together much more closely, or will together recognise that they have a decision to make. And it’s never too late to take stock and explore the darker bits – even if a previous relationship has broken down, there’s great benefit to be had in ensuring that you don’t continue to make mistakes in a future one – because it’s never all someone else’s fault.

  2. Jackie, I t sounds like you did a grand job. It is easier to run away than to ‘go there’, but the rewards for bravery can be immense

  3. joanne_s says:

    Richard (and Jackie), I agree … ruefully given I have been putting off just such a conversation for the sheer history behind it (a school friend, a cycle being close and not being close, and a build up of abandonment feelings). It reminds me of the Bill Isaacs work on dialogue, again. About creating something new together through openness of heart, mind and communication.
    I feel a deep breath and a phone call coming on!

  4. Good luck Joanne. I suspect you have waht it takes to make this work…

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