Posts Tagged ‘behaviour’

The Importance of Describing Behaviour

Sunday, July 15th, 2012

Today we have another guest blog, which I really like.  Jo Berry reminds of the power and importance of our language in avoiding conflict and resolving issues 

I have been working in the world of conflict transformation and communication and have been understanding how I can challenge behaviour so that I have most chance of being heard. So that the ‘other’ will most likely want to change their behaviour which I am finding difficult.
I know when I label someone as a bully, bad, stupid, their immediate response is to be defensive or to attack. I do that as well.
When I describe the behaviour and share the effect of the behaviour on me, then the person has a choice to change and also will understand exactly what it is they are doing that is upsetting me. Our relationship may even be deepened through transforming this challenging situation.
I was at a conference yesterday and there was a group there who were using the language of blaming. I noticed how they were attached to being ‘right’ and making everyone else ‘wrong’. They were labelling some behaviour as justifiable and the rest as demonic. The effect was a huge chasm opened up between them and others. I left early so I am writing now on how we can move on together.
I have come to know that in difficult situations I can be violent, be unkind and hurt others. I know that when I empathise with others I realise that if I had lived their life I may have acted in the same way. This was tested recently when I was in Rwanda listening to the story of a Hutu man who had been caught up in the hate ideology and had been violent. After hearing his story I could empathise and see the potential is in all of to be behave in that way.
It is hard and yet possible to challenge behaviour without blaming or demonising. It requires me to give up my righteousness and to want to ‘teach’ the other a lesson. Change happens when we feel good about ourselves. Describing behaviour allows both of us to have dignity.
Change happens when I allow your truth and acknowledge your humanity.
I have a bully in me and that is the part I can change.

Learn more about Jo and her work here

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Communication, Guest Blogs, Hints, Tips & Techniques, Personal Change | No Comments »

Apeiness is….

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

Another interesting insight into the behaviour of our nearest primate relatives has got experts debating whether they really are part of the same species as us.  The behaviour of one the female gorillas, Zaire, has got experts talking.  It appears she may have been able to train / encourage another species (small squirrel monkeys) to bring her food titbits.  

One of our very human traits is classifying things and people.  We are very keen on our labels.   Labelling gorillas as animals allows us to imprison and ill-treat them.  That is bad enough but we label other people too.  “He’s trouble!”  “She’s stupid”  “They are a waste of time..”    This not only cuts us of from seeing and releasing their potential but also prevents any real communication as we seldom listen to the contribution of those we have labelled in this way.

If you are trying to get the best our of your people, whether at work or at home.. don’t label them, just observe, attend and note what they do, you’ll be surprised by the results!

“We are all just monkeys in business suits running around pretending to be executives”

“I’ve actually gone to the zoo and had monkeys shout to me from their cages, “I’m in here when you’re walking around like that?””    Robin Williams

Resources:

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Business Change, Communication, Hints, Tips & Techniques, Leadership, Values & Philosophy | No Comments »

Role Models?

Thursday, February 12th, 2009

I was listening a leading Icelandic business woman talk today about the two new female CEOs in two of their big banks.  It was suggested that they were more likely to be trusted by the public than another male leader.  During the course of this conversation it was stated “Everyone needs a role model” and that got me thinking.  I am unaware of having ever had one and perhaps it is just part of my character, that I like to explore and find my own way (and that is a lot of the reason I love walking).

Do you have a role model(s) if so who? And how has it helped you?  If you haven’t, to you regret it and why do you feel that you don’t?

“I’m so proud to be voted as a number one role model by these young women. Of course though no-one knows more about “rolls” than I do.”   Dawn French

Tags: , ,
Posted in Business Change, Personal Change | 2 Comments »