Archive for January, 2008

NO TIME TO ACT?

Wednesday, January 9th, 2008

Today I met with a series of highly motivated clients whom I coach. I last saw them a month ago and when I asked what they had done to enact our discussions, they all told me that there really hadn’t been enough time as they had had a two week break for Xmas.

I am not disputing this, but it got me thinking that they had the same 24 hours everyone has everyday. During which 24 hours, some folks save lives, split atoms, rescue kittens!

Often it isn’t so much a question of actually doing something different, rather it is about doing it in a different way or a different spirit. So often people read and interpret our apparent attitude rather than our actions.

So today try offering the tender vulnerable bits of you to the world rather than the calloused, cynical part and see what happens. Do let me know what happens …

“To have passion, to have a dream, to have a purpose in life. And there are three components to that purpose, one is to find out who you really are, to discover God, the second is to serve other human beings, because we are here to do that and the third is to express your unique talents and when you are expressing your unique talents you lose track of time.” Deepak Chopra

“Perhaps the very best question that you can memorize and repeat, over and over, is, “what is the most valuable use of my time right now?” Brian Tracy

THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE… (I’m gonna let it shine!)

Wednesday, January 9th, 2008

Whilst preparing to work with a longstanding client who had a very knotty and longstanding issue in one of their teams, I met an interesting new colleague who had a rather different approach and I thought we could use my problem team as a vehicle for exploring her way of working. Listening to her it became clear to me that she was able to ask questions and offer insights that I couldn’t. I then thought of another friend and associate who also is able to ‘boldly go’ to places I wouldn’t feel comfortable exploring. He is able to confront people fearlessly & elicit valuable breakthroughs because he is not afraid to take them into these dark places.

At first I felt diminished by these comparisons, after all, if they could do it, surely I should be able to (or so my inner voice told me). Then I realised that I too could take them to unique places, could offer special insights & clarity that few others could and it reminded me of this old negro spiritual, “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.” In the end, this is the very best any of us can do: so today, why not let your little light shine, and help someone out of a dark place?

For those who are interested, listen to it here; lyrics here

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” Albert Schweitzer

Mutation and Evolution

Tuesday, January 8th, 2008

Or are you a Dinosaur or an Eagle (or even a Dodo!)?

I was listening to a talk the other day about Mutation & Evolution. It is possible, that like me, you have not paused to consider the link between these two key processes. Mutation is the result of flaws in a cell’s capability to copy or reproduce an exact copy of its self. Cells are dying off in our bodies all the time (the average red blood cell lasts only 120 days.) In fact 50,000,000 died whilst you read that sentence (read on if you dare!) Evolution is the end product of successful or beneficial mutations. “So what” you may think.. “Very interesting, but why do I care?” Here is where it gets interesting; evolution is an organism’s way of adapting to and surviving in a changing world!

Our genes are remarkably similar to those of other life forms. For example, we share 98% of our genes with chimpanzees, 90% with mice, 85% with zebra fish, 21% with worms, and 7% with a simple bacterium such as E. coli.

So that got me thinking about the business world and how rapidly it is changing, and wondering how you are evolving to cope with that. It is pretty commonly known that the answer to the question of “What happened to the dinosaurs?” the erstwhile rulers of the Earth is that they eventually got smaller, grew wings, learnt how to fly and became the ancestors of today’s birds; some became eagles, some became dodos…

If our cells could reproduce themselves perfectly, we would be immortal! However, we would also still be primeval mono-celled creatures! In business, leaders often choose to recruit people who are like them, effectively self-reproducing, but we can see that Evolution requires new blood, new ideas.
In the human body, our white cells surround and attack cells that are ‘different’ in order to protect us, but I often observe the corporate equivalent and those people who don’t quite fit are attacked and usually move on. Corporates like to talk about valuing diversity, but actually very few succeed in using it to their benefit.

Humans are 99.9% genetically identical – only 0.1% of our genetic make-up differs, and yet, all of it is contained inside the microscopic nucleus of a cell so tiny that it could easily fit on the head of a pin!

So the whole success of life on Earth is due to a series of small errors made when information is copied. It is often the case that corporations make huge profits from similarly small mistakes, like the glue that wouldn’t quite set that ended up making 3M a fortune as Post-its. If you want to get somewhere different, then you can save time by finding a different starting point. Go to someone who doesn’t know the answer; try someone who hasn’t done it before.

Another interesting thing is that the human genome is contains around 30,000,000,000 bits of information, the vast majority of which seem to do nothing! (Another corporate analogy?) It is referred to as ‘the junk in the attic’. It represents huge potential that simply has not been ‘switched on’. Again this got me thinking about the potential within your team, your organisation that has not been switched on. What would it take to do so? How do you get someone to come out of their safe shell and show you what they can do, to show you who they are? The answer is they will do it when they feel safe, and not judged, when they feel seen and valued for who they are and not who they are ‘meant’ to be.

If the genome was a book, it would be the equivalent of 800 dictionaries. It would take a person typing 60 words per minute, eight hours a day, around 50 years to type the human genome. You would need 3 gigabytes of storage space on a computer to hold all of this.

So much corporate energy goes into trying to get people to conform, and yet this is the very opposite of Nature’s strategy to be winners in the Change Race. We are bombarded with information about Global Warming and Climate Change, but I think that in 100 years time the experts will say that the pace of change in business now was even faster. What are you doing to be a winner in this race?

Change is like going to the gym, good for you but hard work. Similarly you need to work at it on an ongoing basis. Ensure that you keep you business constantly in flux as it takes far more energy to move forward again if you let it settle for too long (a bit like trying to resume your exercise regime after the Xmas break!)

“All evolution in thought and conduct must at first appear as heresy and misconduct.” George Bernard Shaw

YOU & AUTHENTIC LEADERSHIP

Sunday, January 6th, 2008

This one of those trendy management phrases that people bandy around. In fact, I even got approached around 3 months ago by one of our leading management schools to talk about it. The interesting thing about this topic is you can’t get it from the how-to-do-management shelf at Smiths, nor can you really be taught it, because it is all about who you are. It comes from within and is an expression of you; this is why people value it so highly, it is rare and precious, because so few of us feel safe showing this side of ourselves (and the side I am referring to is the inside!) to the world, and least of all at work.

We are acting authentically when we are aligned with our core beliefs and values, when we are expressing our truths fully, when we are guided by our deep intuitions and not driven by fear, in short, when we are being real. It is the very opposite of the George Burns quote “…Sincerity, if you can fake that, you’ve got it made!” because you can’t buy this stuff.

The trouble is most of us grow up learning to hide parts of ourselves because we fear they are not acceptable, not to follow our inner voice because we’re told “it is stupid”, and we know that the world of work is not a safe place. However, there is great power and potential in daring to buck this trend, because when we learn to express these parts of ourselves not only do we remove stress, but we also stop getting in our own ways.

I was told recently that my mission in this life was to express myself in this way, to show the world who I am (as opposed to trying to be the person I thought they wanted me to be). I have been slowly working at this, trying to peel away the layers and let the light out and what do you know… it seems to be working! The more risks I take in this arena, the more (all be they tiny) thumbs-up I get from the Universe.

So my challenge to you today is this, have a go! At least once today express what you really feel rather than a polite version of it, do what you truly want rather than what you feel you ought to, line yourself up with you inner voice and see how it feels. If you like it, well, who knows, you could try it again tomorrow, then where would we all be? Walking around surrounded by ‘real’ people… could we cope?! Good Luck and let me now how you get on.

“Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom.  If you don’t live it, it won’t come out your horn.” Charlie Parker

“Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.” Mother Theresa

DEALING WITH OTHER PEOPLES’ STRESS

Saturday, January 5th, 2008

In yesterday’s blog I discussed some tips on dealing with stress, and it occurred to me that there was a rather different set of strategies and skills required to survive other peoples’ stress! I don’t claim this is in anyway an exhaustive list, but, with your help, we can add to it.

Recognise it: It seems very obvious but the first thing to do is actually be aware that the person you are dealing with is stressed. If this is someone you work with, learn to read the signs; if you are male, and it is someone you live with, dial up your awareness as you probably are in your own little world and blissfully unaware of it! If this is just someone you are encountering in the normal course of their work, think about the nature of the job they do and be prepared accordingly.

Practical help: Do what you can to remove or reduce the cause of their stress. If they feel there is too much to do, help them with their tasks (or at least those they would safely entrust to you), certainly do nothing to make matters worse for them! Do things without being asked, in a low profile way. Never come between them and the object of their fixation.

Never, ever say “You are stressed”, these words are bound to draw their fury like no other.

Physical Help: Do what you can to help them relax, drinking water, warm drinks, perhaps very small amounts of medicinal alcohol (where appropriate), food if they have skipped meals, warm baths (if in a domestic environment), removing extraneous noises

Empathy: Feel what they feel (but at a reduced level), get along side them; support them by all of the above means. Let them feel your support. Often at home, an arm round the shoulder or a cuddle can do so much more than mere words. Give them your time.

Avoid conflict and confrontation: in the words of the ancient Greek medics, “First, do no harm”. Don’t aggravate, annoy or attack them. Chances are they are not being very pleasant and our natural impulse is to strike out; needless- to-say, this doesn’t help, it is a bit like throwing petrol on the bonfire!

Good Luck and let me know what works for you….

 Stress: The confusion created when one’s mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it” Anon

“Don’t sweat the small stuff… and it’s all small stuff.” Richard Carlson

 

MAKING & TAKING TIME… The key to eliminating Stress

Friday, January 4th, 2008

For what seems to be the first time in ages, I find myself today with some space and time that isn’t already committed. I am aware of feeling a sense of enormous relief and not sure how best to enjoy this unexpected luxury. A tiny gap between my old business year ending and my new one starting has opened up. I can feel myself aware of the space and the possibilities and the freedoms they offer; a bit like a dog that is let off the lead in a huge open park.

Why am I taking your time with this stuff? Because most of us are stuck on a treadmill of activity that never gives us any choices. There are kids to be picked up, shopping to get, meetings to attend and emails to read; all important, mostly necessary but still coming between us and any choice of how we should be spending our time. I was talking to someone the other day about the silliness of the idea of managing time, it is a resource and we have to choose how we spend it, whether we spend it or invest it; invest it in our happiness, growth and wellbeing.

If we are stuck in the same old routine, then we isolate ourselves from the possibility of self-directed change, and the only changes we encounter are those driven by others and therefore ones we have no control over, and this type of change is always scary. On one of my blogs yesterday we were discussing stress, and the syndrome I have just described is one of the prime causes of stress, which, as we all now, is a killer….

So what can you do about it? Don’t let your day fill up without thinking about it; schedule in some time for thinking and being. If you are a working person, this time adds hugely to your productivity and creativity, so don’t feel guilty, it is as necessary and as health-giving as breathing!

Grab 15 minutes ‘you’ time today and tell me how you spent it and the difference it made

“They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” Andy Warhol

“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” Will Rodgers

WINTER THOUGHTS

Thursday, January 3rd, 2008

Working as a Change consultant, I am usually called in when someone needs to start some new initiative, and at this time of year, lots of us are starting new diets, keep fit regimes etc. so I thought I would try to cast a different light on Change. When this happens, I always ask my clients what they are going to stop doing, in order to make space for the new work they re proposing. It seems obvious, but few companies, or people, seem to consider this. We only have so many hours in the day, and usually we spend them as best we can. If someone wants something else doing, something, somewhere needs stopping. The failure to realise this is one of the main reasons that these programmes and resolutions fail anda huge cause of stress in the work place.

Also, think about this, in the natural calendar we have four seasons; we all focus on Spring, and the new growth, Summer and the flowering, and Autumn with its harvest, but what about winter? Winter is the time Nature gives us to rest, consolidate, plan, recuperate and build energy for the coming season of growth. In our centrally heated, modern age, with fruits flown in from all over the world we seem to have lost sight of the value of winter. All growth and change needs a period of quiet dormancy, rest and reflection to be successful.

So, whilst we still have some long nights, give yourself permission not to rush around, rest. Think about what you no longer want in your life and let it go, this is the season dying back.

“”Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom, but we hope it, we know it.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

In seed time learn, in harvest teach, in winter enjoy.” William Blake

WALK A MILE IN THEIR MOCCASSINS

Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008

Yesterday my eldest daughter had a rough day. On top of a little too much New Years Eve celebrations, she was suffering with stomach cramps. By late afternoon, we thought that she had got over the worst of it and we looked forward to a quieter day today. Late evening she started really suffering and was having stomach spasms. So what did my wife and second daughter do? Firstly they went and hung out with her in her bedroom. The younger one put on a DVD her sister likes to help distract her. They offered all the moral and practical support they could because the older one was just zoning out with the pain. Then later on I came in and my wife is just lying next to her in the bed, just being there with her, accepting this is all she can do.

So, why am I sharing this domestic drama with you.. .after all this a blog, not a soap opera? Well, this reminded me just how important empathy is and my wife is a master at this. The native Americans used to have an expression that you need to walk a mile in someone’s moccasins before you can understand (or judge) them. Another take on this is in Aikido, a key principle of which is to put yourself in your partner’s position, and this means to get physically along side them and see the world form their perspective. Having aligned yourself with them, you are now in position to lead or influence them. Those of you familiar with NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) will know that they use a similar technique called pacing and leading.

We all are confronted with people we need and want to influence, we often think we know best and if they would only see the world through our eyes everything would be alright. The above wisdom reminds us that the very opposite is true. So if you are facing a difficult situation today, try (metaphorically) lying down beside them and just being with them before you decide what the right course of action is. Please let me know how this works for you…. good luck!

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” Kahlil Gibran

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”  Billy Connelly

 

SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH, WITHOUT RANCOUR

Tuesday, January 1st, 2008

For those of you who have been following this series of blogs, this one is a follow-up to Christmas Gifts.

Since having been upset by one of my family over the holidays I have been wondering on-and-off how I can prevent the same thing happening again, as it does quite regularly. On one hand all my beliefs say that you should always act and speak your truth, on the other, a lifetime of conditioning leads me to believe that this situation won’t change, and further more it will cause upset and ructions. This is a Cooke family thing, and I have talked with my siblings who feel a similar set of emotions and confusion, but no doubt you have your own version of this syndrome.

So, I have found myself lying there, wondering in Hamletesque fashion, “To speak, or not speak, that is the question?” Last night, round midnight, it came to me in a gentle upwelling of clarity, I have to tell my truth without rancour and that is all I need to do. This is much harder said than done because there are many buried emotions beneath this episode, and they all want to be voiced. However, many of them belong to a much younger me and the grown-up version doesn’t need to say these things.

I just need to say how I feel, say what I want and what I hope for and then accept the consequences. I know that my blogging it here and doing it this cleanly are two very different things but even now I can feel myself feeling better for this decision and realisation. And like most realisations, this is nothing I didn’t know already, but I had just lost sight of this knowledge in my hurt.

I suspect that one or two of you may either have lived through similar situations or perhaps be ‘in play’ right now, if so, I wish you courage and luck and a truly wonderful 2008.

“The ideals which have lighted me on my way and time after time given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Truth, Goodness, and Beauty. . . . The ordinary objects of human endeavour — property, outward success, luxury — have always seemed to me contemptible.” Albert Einstein

“There are no whole truths: all truths are half-truths. It is trying to treat them as whole truths that plays the devil.” Albert North Whitehead