Regular readers will remember that I have spoken quite often about how the truth is much less clear than people commonly think.  We all experience things differently, and to some extent we all inhabit our own individual universes, which we are naturally the centre of.  This is one reason why people have arguments, and why witnesses in court often report different versions of the main event.  We all make certain assumptions, and have differing values and ‘no go’ areas.

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I recently had to watch some CCTV footage and try and decide what was happening, and who, if anyone, was the injured party.  I obviously won’t go into the details but individually both versions were plausible.  Clearly, the ‘truth’ was a more complex amalgam of both stories.   In this episode, the camera was just another spectator, and certainly not the recorder of the ‘truth’ either. 

The thing is, in families, relationships and companies, there are all these people, all with points-of-view and feelings, all in a hurry, all wanting what they want and merrily pursuing their own ‘business’, but from time-to-time, there is inevitability a breakdown.  If we assume that there is only one ‘truth’ and that we are the sole owner of that then there is nowhere for the other parties to go.  You have to take the time to find out what the other person experienced and compare and contrast it  your own and then allow that the other person’s view is as valid as yours.  Try to be clear about the facts, and then discuss the interpretation.  It is a lot of work, but this work is really an investment in the relationship.

“No matter what our achievements might be, we think well of ourselves only in rare moments. We need people to bear witness against our inner judge, who keeps book on our shortcomings and transgressions. We need people to convince us that we are not as bad as we think we are.”   Eric Hoffer