Posts Tagged ‘Communication’

The nature of Time

Friday, March 30th, 2012

I listened to a fascinating talk about the history of time keeping and clocks the other day.  It is a very rich area to explore as we take it so much for granted and assume that time is not only constant, but the very idea of time is equally so.  This simply isn’t the case.  Our relationship with this concept is a cultural one and like most cultural artefacts has evolved over time.  If we go back a thousand years, the only people very interested in time were monks who wanted to know when to pray.  The first primitive western clocks had no hands and simply sounded the time to let the monks know it was time for the next office.  The day was divided into 24 parts in the same way as a sundial and our 12 hour convention only emerged later.  The hands of the clock were designed to mimic the sundial which was what most people used to tell the time, and they travel in the same way as the sun travels in the northern hemisphere.  So if clocks had been invented in China first, clockwise would have been the opposite way round!  England didn’t have a standard time until the railways made it possible to travel far enough, fast enough to move from what were, in effect, one time zone to the next.  Each village merely took its time from the local church clock, and as no one could travel far enough, or communicate fast enough to deal with the next ‘time zone’ it didn’t affect anyone.  The only people for whom accurate time  was crucial was navigators, and the British Navy offered vast prizes to the inventors of a more accurate chronometer, as this provided competitive, strategic advantage to them.

All of this is fascinating in itself, but it is a wonderful example of how social and cultural constructs are not rigid and self-evident.  That as we talk to people from other cultures these things morph and we need to be aware of this.  The importance of punctuality and the rules that govern it change all over Europe.   This is just one tiny example of how complex communication is and why it is so hard to do it with precision.  The first rule is to be clear what you are really trying to say, then framing it in such a way as your audience can understand that.  Even this concept is apparently cultural.  In China and Germany there is an expectation that the audience will work to understand the meaning, in the UK the onus is on the speaker to adjust his message to his listeners! 

Communication is such a vital skill in life and business, and yet hangs on such a fragile thread…

“Behaviour in the human being is sometimes a defence, a way of concealing motives and thoughts, as language can be a way of hiding your thoughts and preventing communication.”   Abraham Maslow

“Communication is two-sided – vital and profound communication makes demands also on those who are to receive it… demands in the sense of concentration, of genuine effort to receive what is being communicated.”  Roger Sessions

Your tattoo is ringing!

Saturday, March 24th, 2012

Nokia recently patented a tattoo that uses a special ink that can generate a noticeable sensation in the skin when stimulated, so that it can vibrate when you get a phone call!  It is another step in the journey of exploring the edges of our new interfaces with computers and machines which is known as a brain–computer interface (BCI), or a direct neural interface or a brain–machine interface (BMI). Clearly this is cutting edge science which asks all sorts of questions of our ethical and moral choices.  Is this the beginning of the cyborg era?

The interesting thing is it is also just another way of us communicating and is the most ancient and foundational of human skills.  In this era where we can be instantly and globally connected 24/7 we can still struggle to get our message over to those who are most important to us, as every husband or wife, every boss, every parent knows to their cost!  Indeed, I’m sure we have all suffered from sending off a quick text or email, thinking we were just conveying an simple and innocent message, only to find we have suddenly become mired in the indignation of the recipient..?  It happened to me just the other day.  A well intentioned BBM caused all sorts of sibling upset.  I have yet to work in a company that hasn’t had issues with communication.  It seems the faster the technology moves the bigger the scope for miscommunicating.

Whether it be an email, text or piece of corporate communication you need to take a moment to decide:-

  1. What exactly you want to say
  2. Is the message appropriate to the audience?
  3. Is it clear?
  4. How do you want them to respond?  To feel?
  5. And in these days. when we drown in unnecessary emails, is it necessary for this particular reader?

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”   George Bernard Shaw

“Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”   Dr. Laurence J. Peter

 

Resources:

  1. Mobile Gazette
  2. Telegraph

Bridging the gap

Monday, March 19th, 2012

Isn’t it interesting, the humble ant can bridge a gap many times its body size with a helping ‘hand’ from its fellows and yet it isn’t uncommon, even  in relatively highly performing teams for people not to receive this kind of support.  Indeed, challenge is seen as something of a virtue, as well as a measure of the size of one’s member!  Clearly it is all about balancing the need for support and challenge and this should be down to the leader to deliver, but too often the cultural norms of the team mirror his or her personal style.

You need to be able to depend on your team mates; to be able to achieve things with their help and support that perhaps are beyond you without them.  This enables the team to synergise.  Looking and listening for what is right in their proposal and building on it rather than trying to attack the faults within it.  Bosses need to look for what is right and praise it rather than simply trying to see mistakes and jumping on them.  A little recognition can go a long way and it is proven that people will work harder and longer for someone who makes them feel special, even if they aren’t earning top dollar.

 

“’Tis not enough to help the feeble up, but to support them after.”  William Shakespeare

“In a relationship each person should support the other; they should lift each other up.”  Taylor Swift

Different conversations

Saturday, March 17th, 2012

I was reminded yesterday in my personal life of an approach I use often in my work one.  As my job requires me to instigate and support Change, I will often suggest that meetings be held away from the workplace, and wearing different clothes.  Breaking these moulds can enable and facilitate new and different ways to communicate and think.  In themselves they are small things, but they are also powerful anchors to our habitual ways of thinking, being and talking.

As my family members each find our own ways forward from my wife’s death, we are all trying to find our way and adapt our roles within the family grouping.  I recently broke the news to the family that I had met someone special enough that I wanted them to know about her and not surprisingly this ‘hand grenade’ caused all sorts of shockwaves.  How do you even begin to discuss something as radical as someone new entering our intimate family circle, especially after what happened?

At home, we, like most families fall into well trodden groves and habits and that can get in the way of this kind of conversation.  So it is with real pleasure that I found when I met my eldest in town for tea and a chat that we began communicating in a much more unfettered way and discussing allsorts of interesting topics.  I certainly don’t think that this issue has been resolved but by creating new patterns of talking and listening it is easier to explore these dangerous new ideas.

“A good quartet is like a good conversation among friends interacting to each other’s ideas.”   Stan Getz

“A pas de deux is a dialogue of love. How can there be conversation if one partner is dumb?”   Rudolf Nureyev

Communication and Leadership Style

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011

I was interviewed yesterday on this topic, with the basic thrust being “What are the different strategies & techniques that help you communicate with Leaders with different management styles?”  It was an interesting conversation, though I have to admit it runs slightly contrary to the way I view these things.  I said that if pushed to categorise leaders into different types, I felt there were broadly two different types, those who lead from the front and those who were more consensus orientated and needed to take people with them; the difference between “Follow me chaps!”  & “Let’s go gentlemen..” 

I suggested that one always needed to consider one’s audience in any communication, starting with where they were, what they needed and what you wished them to do.  You have to put yourself in their position and tailor your message to those things.  In other words, minimise the resistance between them & your message.  If you are dealing with someone with a strong ego, don’t use the word “I” a lot in your communication.  If you are dealing with someone who is very interested in consensus you might say something like “This might help us..”

The fact is that people are people regardless of their position and everyone has filters that can prevent your words being heard and the more you craft your message to avoid these filters the more likely you are to be heard.  You may like to consider that this applies equally to husbands, wives and recalcitrant children!

“You’re the air that I breathe”

Friday, July 8th, 2011

It has been 17 months now since Carys died, and of course many people miss so many things about her but life does go on and we are all making our ways, the best way we know how.  I have been hugely proud of my family and the way they have rallied round, each doing what they do best to help the rest of us; each of them assuming subtly different roles in the new pattern of our lives.

The days have taken on a new pattern of sorts and things work okay but the thing I realise that I really miss is the communication.  I know how important this is in business and every business I work with seems to have issues in this area.  No matter how well they do, their people want them to do better.  I am now learning that for me it is almost a need like eating or breathing.  I miss having someone to share the trivia with, those silly moments that catch your eye during a day.   Someone to share you thoughts with, someone to ask for their input, someone to share bits of what you are reading with.  What is strange is though is that none of these things matters individually, but some how they seem to be like drops of water

building up behind a dam. 

I know that modern life is lonely for many people, those who are old and have lost their partners, those who have moved with their work or are otherwise isolated, but living it is something else.  When I am communicating it is like breaking through the surface of the ocean and taking a lungful of air. 

Perhaps we all need to make a little greater effort to reach out to others and listen to them, and be available.  Sometimes a simple conversation can be a great gift.

The Nature of Partnership

Saturday, February 12th, 2011

As I approach what would have been a our 25th anniversary and begin the process of building once more, I find myself reflecting on the nature of true partnership.  Marriage is simply one type of partnership; there are many others and all have their difficulty.  However it seems to me that they probably all have at their heart the same issues and challenges.  It is all about alignment and how that is achieved and maintained.  I think that first of all comes a period of exploration, during this phase you explore and seek to understand whether you are both not only both seeking the same thing, but if you are happy to do so using compatible means.  This means lots of communication.  Of course communication happens at many levels and is so much more than just the words you exchange, and absolutely embraces the alignment of what one does with what was promised.  You have to both need and want similar things, or perhaps be able to supply each other with things of equal value.  This means that there needs to be trust that this ‘supply’ of what is needed is going to be maintained and the trust is built slowly by experience.

Of course, over time, people and businesses change and so can their needs, if we are lucky these changes happen in ways that are compatible and do not threaten the partnership.  Communication is our way of not only maintaining our partnerships but also of continually assessing their state.

I find it amazing how, in this connected, internetted age, where we are continually bombarded by ‘communication, something as simple as communication is still so a great a challenge.  We don’t just interpret what each other says, but what we don’t say; sometimes silence shouts loudest.  However, as we never have full information as to what is happening for the other partner, we can often be missing vital data in our interpretation.  Of course, over time, we gather more data, so it is easier to fill these data gaps and make correct judgements in long-standing partnerships.

To give this any kind of chance there has to be goodwill.  Goodwill enough to do the work, to fill the gaps and explain the silences.  The interesting question is “Where does this goodwill come from?”  Is it inherent in our nature / personality or a factor of our need, or some combination of the two?  What do you think?

“The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they’re not, we cry.”

“Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself.”

Fry & Laurie–more communication lessons from comedy

Monday, February 7th, 2011

This lovely sketch is so funny because there isn’t one but two parallel conversations going on.  Here it is full of fabulous double entendre and laughs, but in real life it is usually far less obvious and the impact is often not in the least bit funny.

I talked elsewhere in this mini-series of communication lessons about how we hate to be wrong, and often we will sense that we have missed something that the other person has said, or at least not fully understood them.  They might say something like “You know Mr Wilberforce..” and we don’t but we don’t like to admit it, or interrupt them and we hope it is either unimportant or we might catch-up with them later.  Sometimes this works fine, but when it is important, you really need to clarify that you are both on the same page and both singing from the same song sheet,

Other comedy lessons:

  1. Morecombe & Wise
  2. Two Ronnies
  3. Rowan Atkinson
  4. Fawlty Towers

Fawlty Towers offering further comedy lessons in communication

Monday, February 7th, 2011

The characters here are priceless and the scene is so beautifully scripted and constructed, but what does it tell us about successful communication?

Everyone here arrives with their own set of expectations and their mind full of their own issues.  We all do this all the time.  When these individual vectors collide we get fabulous comedy here but in real life there is just misunderstanding, and feelings of being badly served and/or misunderstood.  This is a real issue as most of us have a deep desire to be understood, and when we are put into situations where this occurs emotion usually flares, and the Flight/Fight response usually dictates that we either withdraw or get angry.

We have to make time to set expectations, to understand the other person’s position and needs and to communicate our desire to help, but within the parameters that we set.

Other comedy lessons:

  1. Morecombe & Wise
  2. Two Ronnies
  3. Rowan Atkinson

Roll Call–more comedy lessons in communication

Sunday, February 6th, 2011
Roll call….PS>> apologies if any adverts come up, they are nothing to do with I-Change!

Rowan Atkinson just stands here reading the register, and with each name the audience laughs louder…. Why?  Although he has obviously chosen some funny words, I’d suggest that there are a number of interesting underlying factors.  Timing is obviously important, as it is in all communication.  However, the key to this gem is that he plays with the audience’s own memories of this situation and builds on them.  In other words he is building rapport and then leading them to laughter. 

If you wish to influence people, and in business we all need and want to do this, then you have to take the time to find out where they are and what they know before you begin communicating.  If you do this, then like Rowan, you can in very few words get them on your side and engaging with you.  Without this it is all just noise and spam.

Other comedy lessons:

  1. Morecombe & Wise
  2. Two Ronnies